whitefingers

Many "firsts" for me this year, eh? Last night was my first sober wedding! Me! The original party girl! Without a bottomless glass of white wine! Imagine that...I danced until sweat ran down my face....

I'm only updating so that I can see that sobriety number. I really need some positive FUCKING FUCKKKKDKDKDKDKDK just anything fucking positive in my life right now....That's not true. There are many...

Shitty color font. My daughter is a complete stranger. She has no emotion except anger. She doesn't remember love. She cannot feel compassion, empathy, sympathy, she cannot bond with another person....

Eating disorders, I don't get why they're all lumped together anymore. I come on this board, and I'm reading posts by people with anorexia, and it can just be so... I don't get it... I don't...

Is this site all fudged-up, or is it me? I press links, and it goes all hooey hay-wire, jumps to a totally different link... it's like I'm going crazy!!  I'm trying to update a goal, and the...

Negative. Fatiqued. Uninspired. Heartbroken. Desperate. Confused. Remorseful. Pissed off. Hateful. Petulant. Struggling. Praying. Searching. Reaching. Hoping. Trying. Terrified. Terrified.

Went to my daughter's art show last night, at the hoity toity art gallery in hoity toity town. Without pre-drinking.  It was such a powerful feeling! I didn't have to worry about talking too...

My daughter seethes with fury when she sees my face. My heart races when I know I'm about to face her. Sometimes I hope I will have a heart attack and die on the spot.

New inventions to be patended by ME: 1) A Library Hood Cover for using internet IN PRIVATE, without every tom dick or harry being able to see what you're typing on your SCREEEEEEENNNN!!!!!!   GOD!...

I did it! I just waltzed right on in there, and told my doctor everything! EV ER Y THING. And I didn't break down and get all wheezy and sniffy and squeaky-voiced either. Just a tiny bit, but I was...

 Acerbic: adj.- Sour or bitter tasting; acid. Sharp or biting, as in character or expression.  That was me, under the influence of alcohol and an eating disorder. I was  bitter, sharp, biting,...

Last night was another first for me. Going to a family function (big, extended family function) without pre-drinking. Such a huge difference! I was able to just drive there, without having to...

I just came upon this in my old journal from last Fall, my husband and I were attending a wedding reception, and all I could do was rant about two women across the room: "I had to stare at these two...

Why, yes, yes I do, I want a medal, thank you, and a COOKIE too, while you're at it. I quit drinking, on my own, without detox, without a doctor, without a counselor, without a meeting. It's just me...