M3NTALLYLOST

 I HATE THE HOLIDAYS !!! Let’s see why…They start in September/October now…Everyone hates being around each other (AKA forced recreation)…No matter what I get the kids it’s wrong or they...

I wrote this as a response to a thread but is it so moving for me I want to keep it. I am me because of years of denial. My subconscious was still moving on an unhealthy unguided path to heal it’s...

I need to keep writing here, I stopped and seem to be slipping backwards. In the time of silence I have found a new emotion in which I can not understand – guilt. I thought I could, but I can’t....

I did it!!! Or rather did not do it!!! That was the first Thanksgiving Eve in nine years I did not hurt my self!!! This is the worst holiday for me, my Mom’s birthday was the 28th aka Thanksgiving,...

I thought I could sleep last night with my husband home, but I was wrong. It started when he came home at 1045pm. I hate TV now I just leave it off or listen to music. He as always comes in and turns...

Second visit – so I did go back – I tell her things and she does not pick up on them, and she does that writing things down thing when I do not think they are important. Now I’m questing myself...

I went to the counselor yesterday.  I do not know how to take it, she wants me to write down five or more “good things” a day and bring them back to Tuesday. I do not know if I want to do that....

Bad day, just another bad day to exists in...

I really HATE "HIM" today, FUCK HIM !!! I caught myself looking at razors at the drugstore today. They had 4 different kinds in the little hardware section. I know I will not kill myself, just cut,...

I slept for 5 hours straight today, it was great.

I’m OK now, but I had my first thoughts of suicide two days ago, it scared the boondocks out of me. I admit now that my 50+ tattoos and 13 piercings are a mental cover up or an “accepted”...

I called Fort Hood today, and faced the organization I fear. They were very nice, they asked “all” the question. I could not tell them “his” name I never knew it. It was so long ago I had a...

I went to eat at a restaurant with my family and I did not really eat today. I wish I could remember more about what he looked like, not just his hair and voice. I’m finding myself hate all men...

I remember after him going to a bar with my friends and soon to be husband. I literally ran out locked myself in the car under our coats and cried for hours. I told every one I was tired and thought...

It took me two weeks to write this. I need to share it. Raped –– I am rape.  In the Army one hot summer eve –– I’m nineteen, and quite naive.  He was a solider, an army of one –– he...