I did not hurt my self !!!
I did it!!! Or rather did not do it!!! That was the first Thanksgiving Eve in nine years I did not hurt my self!!! This is the worst holiday for me, my Mom’s birthday was the 28th aka Thanksgiving, and she died eleven years ago. My aunt’s birthday is also the 28th but 8 years apart. But this year is somehow different, with the month and a half of flashback I guess that I spent less time dwelling on my Mom and more time on the flashbacks. I hate “him” so much that I now have something to fight for. I decided that “he” was not going to control me any more, that I will beat him. I did not know how much I hate this time of year until this year. Subconsciously I saw, all the Veteran’s Day stuff and it was really making me more depressed without knowing it. I was just blaming it in the loss of my mother. Now I know the real reason for my past f’ed up Novembers. It was both the loss of my Mom and the r***. I left my house yesterday and spent forty bucks on gas to just driving around for twelve hours. I had the music so loud I could not hear myself think (that was the point I guess.) I had been awake for two and half days before I got home and then went to work in a haze, now I’m off and I’m going to sleep.
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