I admit I need help

I’m OK now, but I had my first thoughts of suicide two days ago, it scared the boondocks out of me. I admit now that my 50+ tattoos and 13 piercings are a mental cover up or an “accepted” method of SI but it does not seem like enough to just get tattoos anymore, I can not feel them or feel me. I’m scared I want more just to feel something. I joined the depression and SI groups today.