wystan1000
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- HelloIt has been about 18 months since I was last here. When I was here before I was using hook up software to have numerous casual encounters with other guys. While I have an open relationship, the encounters were a) taking up my time and getting...
- Day 21 - yes still off the apps. Just ignored a text from a former partner. I really can't quite believe it! :-) Back on the anti-depressants three days and I'm actually smiling again and returning to my somewhat mischievous self. It's amazing how...
- The withdrawal from using apps and having random sex a few days a week is sneaky, I'm finding. Basically I am projecting more, I think. I am aware that there is a lot of judgement and fear in me, and whereas before I was able to judge people to feel...
- I'm also certainly feeling effects of deprivation. Phone and Facebook use is up and I'm just not making it out of bed willingly. One too many chores and it feels like a mountain. I'm reminded of parents being too busy for me at the weekends leaving...
- Can't say there is much to report although the "meaning" of having only one person to love and have sex with keeps dawning on me when we are together. It is mostly a nice dawning. I do not have anything to hide ... when I was sleeping with everyone...
- Day 12 so yesterday's lovely day was nice for a bit. But then going out for a dance with Ben and friends (mostly his) for a dance I suddenly didn't want to be there... The feeling was immediate. I felt somewhat judged and paranoid but mostly just...
- Super nice day with husband. Helped friend move house then went to walk along the Thames. Unusually quite ok for money at the moment which we're spending on making the house look nice. Do feel jolly happy just now and in command. Not sure how much...
- Today a bit hard as I have to ghostwrite an essay for a friend about a topic I don't really know well (greed and foolhardiness) then my husband is having his leaving party and might get drunk which I kind of hate because I'm teetotal...It seems so...
- Here it is the start of fall. The sun is still out but the wind is blustery. It is nice, this freshness, this new breeze blowing through. Sometimes we have to be settled, other times things are more lively.Spoke to my mum after her mastectomy this...
- I met with a friend last night who I didn't know has similar problems to me - but worse insofar as drugs were involved and he has had a double suicide in his family... and he's battling not to become the third such. It shows that when we reach out...
- Yesterday I was very exercised about the idea of being able to see the three or four guys who are still potentially fuckbuddies, as well as the two or so who I have in my phone but haven't met. My urge was like a sort of nostalgia or sadness. I...
- I wonder how long the longest time I have been without casual sex is over the years. Probably a couple of months. Not very long. Most of the time, though, it was at least one partner a week, probably two.I was cycling in to work today, and I...
- There are a few friends I have decided to reach out to and talk about what I have been up to in the past. Before, when I am (we are) in addictive behaviour we tend to get on with whatever it is without talking about it because of the shame. But once...
- Last night was quite hard because we live next door to a bunch of gay guys who like to have sex parties on drugs.I'm not a fan of the people I must say but part of me Firstly my husband stayed longer (he likes dancing) and so I got to feeling...
- I want to go share some of my experiences with sex and sex app addiction. This helped me when I was in group therapy for alcohol addiction. we went through the first three of the 12 steps...How we felt then, how we feel now. Maybe some people...