this is the thawing out stage of sobriety, I am so proud of you for allowing those feelings to come to the surface. It helps to name those icky feelings, chores=overwhelmed, alone and uncared for=hurt, sad, neglected, school =sad, unworthy.
Now what to do with all those icky feelings? what are some says you can navigate though them? exercise? read? This is when it is so important to go to those healthy outlets.
Sending you positive thoughts ...HUGS

I'm not sure what you mean by you don't believe in the shit from long ago. Is this about your childhood? There is a reason why these memories are coming up.
Addiction is a form of avoidance. If you can't feel then you don't have to deal.
You are right about the fact that it is a step in the right direction. The question is rather than resorting to addictive behavior this time, how will you navigate and take care of yourself in a way that is finally putting to bed the feeling of being unacceptable, alone and uncared for? These are not actually true of course, but how do you convince yourself of that?

Thanks folks. I'm just going to work through this stuff, Shana. I've lived with it long enough when I did believe the lies I told myself (no one loved me no over cared for me I am unworthy) so I can certainly open up to the emotions now I'm wiser. Sometimes I see people laughing merrily and I think why can't I have more joy? I'm not always down, but joy is rare. I know there is no reason to be glum. But we're all made differently aren't we. Excited to see where this road leads.

I wonder if you don't see joy on purpose? If you feel shitty, and sad, and depressed , you can medicate with acting out. Now that you aren't doing that anymore all those icky feelings are surfacing, name them and then deal with them head on. I have had to learn to do this in my own healing....I feel triggered, and I name it..."yuk I don't like that I had that thought about that" and now you don't have that power over me to pull me down into despair. And sometimes I jut sit with that feeling for a bit, healing means having to actually feel those uncomfortable not so good feeling and be okay with them.
Keep it up you are becoming the person that you know you want to be, you will see joy and happiness...

Hope you're right, because that's my strategy. Not sure what I get from staying anxious...I think it allows me to be scared of other people and judgemental of people before they judge me. For me acting out was just one form of seeking approval. Now i don't have that so I don't trust that I'm accepted or valued. So I must be my worst view.of myself, this failure...again something I don't really believe, but a legacy, and really a horrible self-insult! . Obviously these things are caught up in each other. Hard to know where they start and begin.

Depends how you use it brad. My fb friends tend to be kind of entertaining! Plus one thing at a time right?

I think I will go back on the meds for a bit. I had tapered off my anti ds, but this paranoia I'm feeling is not helpful. Third time I've had to leave a group occasion because I was feeling out of place and unwelcome

Stay the course. Hope the negative feelings pass for you soon. Thank you for posting and updating us on your recovery.