Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Hello
It has been about 18 months since I was last here. When I was here before I was using hook up software to have numerous casual encounters with other guys. While I have an open relationship, the encounters were
a) taking up my time and getting in the way of work, particularly looking for them b) more than I would talk about with my partner - so effectively cheating c) making sex seem cheap and repetitive d) leading to numerous mini-affairs with younger guys that I would use to make me feel better about myself.
So, I embarked on a course of EMDR therapy - eye-movement therapy - that was so effective that I got rid of my addictive online cruising and hooking up (I had been doing it for at least 20 years). I haven't been compelled to go onto Grindr or anything else for a month.
and I have also given up nicotine. (All this follows three years since I gave up drinking, too). I am addiction free!
So far so good. It's amazing and I am proud of myself. However, I also find that I am suddenly riddled with the kind of anxiety and low self-esteem that I used to have many years ago. It is a struggle getting up in the morning. All I want to do is lie in bed. I feel like I'm worthless and can't see a future for myself. I look at my partner and other people and endlessly compare myself unfavourably. Social interaction is a chore and I can only do the minimum.
This is an "intimacy disorder" and I truly am baffled about what I'm meant to be doing with people and friends. Am I meant to ask for help? Am I meant to be there for them? I'm not much fun so I can't entertain.
I'm aware of what I need to do ... what I can, to keep going, exercise etc etc ... and that this isn't reality but my mind. But it's disheartening.
I have gone on SSRIs for the first time in ages and I hope they will kick in soon.
Mainly I wondered if anyone else had a similar experience at this point in recovery. I'd love to hear.
thanks
Michael
It has been about 18 months since I was last here. When I was here before I was using hook up software to have numerous casual encounters with other guys. While I have an open relationship, the encounters were
a) taking up my time and getting in the way of work, particularly looking for them b) more than I would talk about with my partner - so effectively cheating c) making sex seem cheap and repetitive d) leading to numerous mini-affairs with younger guys that I would use to make me feel better about myself.
So, I embarked on a course of EMDR therapy - eye-movement therapy - that was so effective that I got rid of my addictive online cruising and hooking up (I had been doing it for at least 20 years). I haven't been compelled to go onto Grindr or anything else for a month.
and I have also given up nicotine. (All this follows three years since I gave up drinking, too). I am addiction free!
So far so good. It's amazing and I am proud of myself. However, I also find that I am suddenly riddled with the kind of anxiety and low self-esteem that I used to have many years ago. It is a struggle getting up in the morning. All I want to do is lie in bed. I feel like I'm worthless and can't see a future for myself. I look at my partner and other people and endlessly compare myself unfavourably. Social interaction is a chore and I can only do the minimum.
This is an "intimacy disorder" and I truly am baffled about what I'm meant to be doing with people and friends. Am I meant to ask for help? Am I meant to be there for them? I'm not much fun so I can't entertain.
I'm aware of what I need to do ... what I can, to keep going, exercise etc etc ... and that this isn't reality but my mind. But it's disheartening.
I have gone on SSRIs for the first time in ages and I hope they will kick in soon.
Mainly I wondered if anyone else had a similar experience at this point in recovery. I'd love to hear.
thanks
Michael
I know nothing about EMDR - never heard of it. Will look into.
But I'd like to share my experience with recovery. I had to accept that I had no power over my behavior - because I didn't. I still don't. It took me years of pain and TRYING to stop. I was approached by someone who had recovered through a spiritual process.
As an agnostic, I was very dubious, but i eventually gave it a try because I needed to try ANYTHING because my life was becoming really really bad.
If the eye movement thing worked for you - great. Like I said, i will research what that is.
But the great thing about 12 step work is it cleans up your life. It helps your relationships. It has helped me form a better ideal about sex. It has improved my relationship with my boss, my wife, my kids, even strangers. Depression has gone and anxiety is going. Without drugs.
Don't get me wrong. Drugs have their place in treatment of depression. But for me the solution was getting rid of resentment, fear, guilt and shame.
Good luck!