If You've Ever Been There
I hate it when I say I feel depressed and you say, "I'm sure you'll be fine" like I have a fucking choice. If you had ever been depressed you'd never say it. But then you think it's all a sign of weakness, don't you? Like God! How can we be together when you don't understand how any of the things I do help me, you can't relate to any of the things I go through.Then again, my own damn fault for being with someone who's stable and normal. Like that would make me fit in, like that would save me from my demons. I want to tell you to fuck off, I want to beg you to come over and hold me, I want you to save me, I want you to disappear. Well, hello there BPD, how are you tonight? Sigh.
Replies
My fiance doesn\'t understand my depression either. He doesn\'t know why DS is so important to me, I\'m pretty sure he hates DS bc he feels like it takes too much of my attention. He just doesn\'t understand. His affect has a normal-narrow range, and he\'s very stable and predictable in that sense. But he hugs me when I need a hug (and when I don\'t), and tells me all the time how much he loves me. That\'s all he knows to do. It\'s not enough to make me feel any better in the moment, but it\'s everything when I\'m suicidal.
Lately, I\'ve been telling him (literally yelling at him) to fuck off nearly every day :( , but I love our cuddling and joking, and when he whisks me away to a spontaneous task that takes my mind off of things for a little while. But I love the time while he is at work bc I can be in peace and do what I want.
I just want you to know that I can relate so much to what you\'ve outlined here. I hope you can work things out.
I hate that he doesn\'t get something that\'s such a big part of me but then for him to truly understand he\'d have to experience it too and I wouldn\'t wish this on anyone.
relationships are hard even with those who should understand what we are going through. my bf is bipolar also, but he turns to alcohol to drown his feelings of pain. my ex-husband used to tell me to \"get over it\". as if i could.
hugs and puppy kisses to you