GDJ1957

I feel like my HP lets me take that first half step over the edge then pulls me back and has a good laugh at me. I hate this roller coaster of life that i have been on lately. Why can't i just ether...

Life is so very hard right now. All my days suck no matter what i do. No matter how hard i try to change things. I just don't seem to get it right. Some times i think there is no right. All there is...

Why does the need always seem to happen early morning. Like at 3 or 4 Am. I know i should get here more and journal. I am keeping my head above water for now. I did it 2 times so far this week. I...

My higher power has a sick sense of humor. It lets me walk to the edge look down start to take that step then pulls me back with some thing that i never see coming. I have a friend that is in need of...

Any one want a life cheap. You can have this one. i don't want it. All you have to do is give up every thing and every one. Expect nothing and want nothing. Because you will get nothing but...

I had a bad day yesterday. I do thank my higher power for giving me the recovery club to be at. At least i wasn't in my head for too long of a time by myself. today is a little better. I have to work...

I wish i had some one in real life to talk to about the SI thoughts. Even if i did i don't know what i would say. So i guess it doesn't matter any way. I just wish that they would leave me alone for...

I feel so run down and used up. I have all this shit in my head and no words to describe it. I want to give up but know i can't. Wishing i was more help to my friends here. I just don't have any...

I am tired of the pain. Both physical and mental. I live in pain 24/7 And i am tired of it. I am just crabby right now. I just want to get shit out and have no were else to do it. FUCK  !!!!!!!

I am feeling useless. I can't help myself or my friends. I can't stop what i should and can't keep from happing what is going on. I need to let go of things i can't control.

Why do i do it? I am trying to be nice to myself about this. It just sucks when i feel i have no control over it like this. I feel like the words are stuck in my head again. I want to get them out. I...

I did it again. I couldn't stop myself last night. The urge was just too much. I think i had about 2 months free. I know i need to let it go. I just don't know why i can't stop myself. FUCK

Why do i have to be so far away from the people that i care for so much. The friends that i have here at DS. All live so far away. I really wish i could give my friends a hug in person. Or hold them...

Had a good week end. Got to spend time with some good friends in the program. Also had a good meal at a fund raiser for a local club. On Sunday i went back to my home group and felt very welcomed...

Yesterday was OK. Volunteering for the club helps. The sun shine so far today also helps. Just hoping it keeps up. Still tired of fighting the depression. I do have the best friends in the world.