valgal18
Status: other grandma in hospital and grandpa just passed away
Mood:
Ok
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- in october is the 4 year anniversary of my first rape.....i am totally blaming myself for it......i thought i had accepted that it wasn't my fault...i guess not.....it's driving me crazy....i feel like i need to punish myself for being so...
- So since my anniversary is in October I've been thinking about my rape....I don't obsess about it I just think about it..... But I'm kind of angry at myself because I remember ALMOST everything.... But I don't remember what happened when I screamed...
- for one of my classes i have to observe a number of ASL interpreters.....so i was in a sociology class and i was sitting there taking notes, wtaching and it was near the end of the class....the teacher said that rape was one of the most popular...
- so i had urges to restrict yesterday after a kid said something to me at work....so i tried talking to my friend about it and she made me feel worse.....and when i woke up this morning i had urges ot self injure...i restricted today and then i just...
- i went to work today-i work with kids-and one kids said,"why is your tummy so big??" and i just shrugged and said,"because.." inside i was crying and felt so bad about myself....ED chimed in and said,"if he can see it, others can too...they just...
- i know that one of the symptoms of borderline is having some episodes that are moment to moment....if i remember right, they rarely last a few days......in july i was doing really good, for a few days, feel back and since mid august i've been...
- it might be too late to post this, but i thought i'd try anyway.....one my friends-she's 34 i think-just had a baby.....and she has two girls as well....one is 5 and the other is 21/2....SO she texted me on monday and asked me if i wanted to go to...
- i told my mom yesterday about me and restricting....i almost restricted 24 hours today....i only made it to about 22 which- i totally know this sounds twisted but whatever-i'm pretty disappointed about....but here's the thing...i wokred this mroning...
- i'm worried that my ED is taking over.....i'm restricting every day.....i don't eat for over 12 hours....i'm tired ALL THE TIME, i have headaches and i feel so down....i was drying off from my shower and i thought,"if i do what i did before i went...
- i wrote two letter to ED.....i thought i'd post them here and see what input you guys have if any.....if you guys wanna respond that's cool, if not that's cool too.....the fiorst one is why i want it to leave me and the second one is why i want it...
- i've been restricting again....i didn't eat anything until noon.....that was over 12 hours of restriction......probably about 15.5 hours of restriction.....for "lunch" i had my usual breakfast...a glass of milk a biscuit with margarine and an...
- before i went inpatient for my ED i restricted for a week.....the first few days i had a few stomach pains...i knew i needed to eat, but didn't.....just regular stomach pains that your body sends to you telling you that you need to eat....then after...
- i went to the doctor today because i'm sick.....so before i went into the exam. room the nurse took my weight.....i faced the numbers but closed my eyes.....i knew that i wasn't gonna look at the numbers....i knew it would do more harm than...
- so recently i haven't had urges to self injure, but to restrict....i went into the hospital and was diagnosed with EDNOS/Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.......since last night i've had urges to cut.....here's the thing....i like the feeling...
- i was at my therapist today and she asked me a question that really made me think...she said,"why do you wanna continue a relationship with your ED when it's abusing you???" i was completely taken aback and i tried to answer......i couldn't give an...