i went to the doctor today because i'm sick.....so before i went into the exam. room the nurse took my weight.....i faced the numbers but closed my eyes.....i knew that i wasn't gonna look at the numbers....i knew it would do more harm than good.....i was feeling really proud of myself and then i thikn the nurse said my weight......i kinda frowned but didn't say anything.....and i remembered before my ED really came into play...before i was really fully restricting, taking my weight at a gym and remembering how shocked i was.....this meal plan is supposed ot be helping me lose weight!!!!!!! although, when i was at the hospital i spoke to my dietitian there and she said that that wasn't the point of the program....she never said i should lose weight or anything......i hate the way i look in the clothes that im wearing....i see the muffin top and i feel so grossed out.....it's like from the neck up i'm fine i love my face...by from the neck down-with the exception of my chest-i hate......i just kinda feel deflated.....i'm gonna be healthy because i know i hafta be, but i feel like i need to lose more weight....i can only work out 1 hour a week....i know i should be doing more and i know i should this week, but i'm super tired since i'm sick....and even if i did go to work out, my asthma is really bugging me so i'd be, like, having an asthma attack while working out....i dunno what this is....kinda seems more like a rant....sorry this is so long....if anyone reads this, thanks