Ellocin

Didn't really want to get up today but see rheumatologist today so figured I better.  I'm so sleepy.  Didn't sleep well.  Went to bed at a decent time but I think the half coffee (half decaf) that...

i just know i'm gonna end up dead and i'm so scared...i can't handle this shit anymore I kept it under control all day because i had to go out and be around people but i coudln't handle it any...

For feeling crappy and like death I'm feeling surprisingly calm.  Listening to my little friends, the mice, in the wall.  They are rather entertaining...at least I know I'm not all alone in my...

Am I dying?  I really don't know.  Things are just so odd today.  I'm super dizzy...and confused but semi functioning.  I really think something is off...but I don't know.  I'm too scared to...

It's 7:30am and I haven't slept yet.  Too much sleep yesterday I guess...stupid pills.  Thinking I will soon have to have some breakfast and take the plaquenil.  I'd rather not be on meds but...

I'm so scared right now. I don't know if I can handle this.

I'm feeling miserable.  I shouldn't complain though since I deserve every bit of misery that comes my way right now.  Just feeling trapped, and kinda hopeless.  LIke I'll never be able to pull...

Awake again.  It's 10:20pm.  Been awake for awhile, just sort of not really coherant.  Mostly just been pigging out on the mountain of junk I bought yesterday.  Finished off a bunch of gummy...

Not feeling particularly good at the moment.  I took another od last night.  Nothing major, never went to hospital or anything.  But slept quite a bit.  Trying to force myself awake now.  It's...

Didn't really do much of anything...should be asleep right now, but ya know I never am.  It's a little after 3am so will have to try soon to sleep. I got out for a little bit earlier in the...

Somethings not right.  I have odd feeling in the left side of my head/eye....it's not quite a headache but it's uncomfortable.  I thought for awhile my eye was swollen but after taking a good look...

Well, after being tired all day I ended up eating chocolate....and go figure...it woke me up.  Hmmm...I should know better then to eat chocolate at night because it's 3am and I'm still awake.   I...

My BIL is out of surgery and in recovery now.  Everything went well during the surgery so that is good and a huge relief.  Now comes the hard part of recovery.  I imagine he's going to be feeling...

I don't have much time to write because I need to get ready for my appointment...but I wanted to say that my BIL is in surgery now.  Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers that all goes...

So I ended up sleeping all evening and am kind of awake now that it's midnight.  Go figure.  I took a loxapine though so hopefully I'll be tired enough to sleep again soon.  I've got bad urges...