grace0513
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Mood:
Bad
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- I had another nightmare last night. Different than others. I tried to keep myself awake late so that I could maybe sleep in...sleep away the weekend. I don't know why I bothered. It never works. I always try anyway. I woke up at 6. Each time I...
- I'm moving out of my apartment and into another unit...mostly just ready to be rid of noisy upstairs neighbors. A town house in my complex became avaialabe for close to lease renewal time so it was perfect. I spent most of today walking over boxes...
- I had been doing ok for a few days. Lately a few days is like an eternity. I was, of course, blaringly aware of the weekend approaching. I tried to not think about it or let it get to me. I was supposed to be moving so I figured that would keep me...
- It started early today...the heaviness in my chest and lungs. I can usually make it through work mornings distracted enough by the mundane routine that it doesn't start until later. I keep busy as I get ready and make a call as soon as I get in the...
- When I was started college back way back when, I mostly kept to myself. I was never very outgoing. I didn't actively avoid people or anything--I participated in campus organizations and joined in activities and worked. I interacted with people when...
- Just typing those words makes me sick to my stomach. I've read them in countless blogs. I've heard them leave the lips of people close to me. They say the words to defend their abuser or minimize the abuse. I know firsthand the effects of verbal...
- I wish I were dead...I just want it all to be over. The pain and confusion and worthlessness. Abandonment and betrayal. I can't stop feeling it all at once. Constantly. I thought I could get through it with support of strangers. Everyone here has...
- You can pick up a stone and clean it until it shines. You can declare its value at $100...but it doesn't sell. Perhaps someone offers you $50. You reject the offer because it's worth more. So instead it sits on the shelf gathering dust. Worth...
- My best friend is my biggest trigger. I've never said that "out loud" before. Not like that. I didn't even know until recently. In fact it was through events regarding her triggering me, that I came to see what was behind all the walls crumbling at...
- ...today I want to disappear.
- Evenings are always the worst. When daily responsibilities settle and my mind starts to wander. Fridays are hard in general. Most of my work is done from home which I prefer...it means less faking while around others which is typically...
- Like every other aspect of my being, my experiences don't fit into a box. I don't quite qualify for anything and am left feeling unclaimed, unwanted, and insufficient. I am not understood or accepted. Always the borderline. I walk around the...
- I went to a local center and talked to an advocate today. Not just about the things I've been processing on this site but EVERYTHING I've been dealing with over the last two years...all the triggers I never recognized as triggers (or understood why...
- I told my mom. Not specifically. She's mentioned every couple of years since I was 11 that maybe something happened to me when I was younger. She has different approaches depending on her mood and her own needs. Sometimes she says my dad suspected...
- I don't have memory if it. In fact...I have no memories with my father prior to age 9.In the oldest memory I have, we were watching a movie. There were no strict rules in my house about what movies could and could not be seen. We were trusted to...