I'm moving out of my apartment and into another unit...mostly just ready to be rid of noisy upstairs neighbors. A town house in my complex became avaialabe for close to lease renewal time so it was perfect. I spent most of today walking over boxes and furniture. I didn't think I was being watched...but now who knows. 

By midnight I'd been asleep for a couple of hours. I woke up to my dog staring and growling at the bedroom door from his spot right beside me. Then I heard it too. Clicking. I thought maybe it was noise from the hall echoing through the empty apartment. When I heard it again I got up to check...my door was locked. I always lock my door. But the handle was turned down like someone had turned it and held it there. I had to push the locked door to get it to release. I looked through the peephole and knew it was a drunk face I'd seen before. I yelled who is it and he mumbled back a response. I told him he didn't live here. The face was familiar because there was a weekend several months ago the same thing happened. Two nights in a row at exactly 1:30 each night. Each time I said you don't live here and the almost intruder drunkenly wandered to the stairwell nearby--I watched through the peephole until he disappeared through the door and into the stairs and then heard laughter erupt after a door closed just above me. Payback, I assumed. A prank to get back at me for all the times I've called security and/or reported them for noise at inappropriate times. It never happened again. Until now...but this time it was different. 

When I told him he didn't live here he didn't turn to leave, he yelled back another response I did not understand. I tried, "This isn't your apartment---go upstairs." He yelled back and told me to shut up and that he worked in the (something) f***ing office. That was his response each time when I tried again to tell him he didn't live here. He continued to turn the handle and push on the door despite my telling him I would call the cops if he didn't leave. It was no longer a harmless prank to wake me up in the middle of the night or a drunk guy who lost his way home. He was there to try to get in. His plan was not thought out well and in his drunken state he obviously didn't come up with a plan b in case tricking me by saying he worked at some office didn't work. I called non emergency security as I talked to him. There was no answer there. I dialed 911 and they said they'd send someone. I guess he heard me talking because just as I said thank you and hung up I watched him let go of the handle and release the push on the door. I looked out again and saw him disappear into the stairs but this time I didn't hear another door open or close. Maybe he got lost again....maybe it was someone different...it didn't matter. I was shaking and it took all I had to keep from falling apart but I knew the officer would be here soon and she would think I was crazy for crying over something like this. 

The thing is...it's not the incident itself that got to me...it was his cursing at me and the intention I felt behind his actions to get in here. It was the replaying of my entire day in an instant wondering if I was being watched as I moved and this was my farewell gift. It was knowing that for two years I have been watched--every move, in life and social media. Watched and talked about. And ALL of those feelings were more than I could handle in that moment being awakened suddenly from sound sleep in the middle of the night. 

I'd been doing so well. I finally felt like I was getting back some control. Even when panic attacks came, over the last week I've felt myself get stronger and turn them around or drift to sleep. Why did this have to happen? I didn't need this...not now.  

***Update***

I talked to my hall neighbor first thing this morning. She's a sweet older woman who always knows all the gossip and likes to compare stories. I shared with her what happened but wasn't prepared for what she told me. 

I was anxious but assumed it was my ptsd making me see things that weren't necessarily true. I wanted to believe it was just coincidence that this guy came to my door on my last night at the apartment--on a night I wasn't supposed to even have the apartment (I was given an extra day to move due to delays with so many others moving in this same weekend) much less sleep there (all my furniture was already moved, I had only an old mattress I planned to throw out). 

I had movers over in the afternoon. On one of our trips with furniture down the hall my sweet neighbor said she heard me and opened her door to see if I needed any help. I was already disappearing around the corner when she came out. But she looked down the hall toward my apartment and saw him. The same guy. Not drunk yet. Not on the right floor. Just looking around and seeing what was going on. That removed any possibility of it being coincidence.  

I do have an alarm that will be installed in my new unit next week...I guess that's good...in case he watched where I was moving into and not just out of.