I told my mom. Not specifically. She's mentioned every couple of years since I was 11 that maybe something happened to me when I was younger. She has different approaches depending on her mood and her own needs. Sometimes she says my dad suspected someone of having molested or raped me. Sometimes she has a vision or feeling or dream that "something happened" and she didn't know to protect me. Those times she's careful not to say too much....to keep me wondering so that I'll open up to or rely on her fully. She has her own fair share of personality disorder tendencies. 

I told her this week that maybe instead of asking me she should ask my dad since I obviously don't remember anything and he seems to be so sure of something. I've suspected him since the first time he made an accusation in front of me when I was 11. He said it as if I wasn't there. Blamed my uncle who not only was rarely around when I visited grandparents and cousins but also almost always had his head in a book or maybe poked his head in wherever we all were for a moment to tell a corny joke nobody understood and then laughed at himself and went back to what he was doing. 

I knew then how false that accusation was. I felt then that he was trying to cover something up. I was so aware of my gaps in memory even at that age...as well as how uncomfortable he made me with just his presence. It was always worse when he'd make some weird comment. I never said anything. Not til this week...when I said my mom should ask him and not me. She suggested I talk to him. Absolutely not. 

I guess she talked to him. He called repeatedly and sent texts I didn't read. Finally, a day later, the move I anticipated. Group text. Mom and brothers all involved. He spoke vaguely and made himself the victim. Saying that he didn't know why he was being accused of things he would never do but that he never did anything to deserve it. Some fluff in between. And then said that he didn't have to defend himself to anyone. Vulnerable victim followed by ego. Classic.