Oh, Katie!! I'm going to hope like Hell with your nurse. :( Praying for you & the hope of a successful cycle.

Oh Katie...I really hope our miracle February baby is going to pull through. I'm on team optimism with Leah and your nurse. Keep us posted, I'm thinking of you!

Well now everything is plummeting down. Hcg is now 34 and I've been spotting since last night :(. Nurses said it's implantation failure, that the embryos just didn't implant enough. I go in for a consult tomorrow so I should know more then. Any specific questions you asked or wanted to ask that you forgot? Are you doing any further testing?

Leah what are you doing differently next time? Mare you doing bcp, lupron, then stims again Did you ask about starting at a higher dose of stims in the beginning to get more eggs?

Karen are you doing another fet or fresh?

I ordered dhea so will start that ASAP, are you guys taking anything else?

I did read that after your first Ivf there is a higher chance of it working bc they know your body, how you respond, etc, but I'll believe it when I see it. This blows

I'm sorry Katie. I say fuck February...and endo.

I'm doing another FET in April but this time I'm transferring 2 blasts instead of 1, and I'm also going to do acupuncture. Can't hurt, right? I'm also going to try to get back into some light Pilates before transfer day.

:( So sad for this news Katie! I was really hoping for the best outcome. This grief changes us after a failed cycle. It was so much harder for me this time. I'm hoping you gain strength back every day.
Today at the beach I proudly mean mugged every pregnant bitch that walked by me. They all seem so smug & perfect & unaware of what a true blessing they are able to carry.
Anyways. Things changing next cycle:
No BCP (could limit egg stimulation)
Higher FSH dose initially (450)
Add Human Growth Hormone (still haven't figured out how to pay OOP for this one)
Add Lupron mini dose each day
Assisted hatching
Time lapse of embryos (not sold on this one... $750/extra)

Hope your appointment goes well. Mine was pretty emotional :(

Thinking of you & sending the biggest hug ever.

Fuck February/march is totally right! Karen so glad you are doing another fet, how many frosties do you have left? Are you doing the same estrogen priming? I've done acupuncture through all fertility treatments and I love it! You will too. Mi actually did a session before and after transfer and I was so zen, so that is good. When are you going to start?

Leah where are you in Mexico? We are going march 29th and I can't wait! There is this biatch girl at my work who got married last December and got pregnant her first month trying. She is due in June and my team has to throw her shower, sucks a big one, I'm not even going to go. On a positive note she looks like shit, so that makes me feel a bit better. Are you staring right away in April? Enjoy that beach girl and give those bitches as many dirty looks as you would like!


Had my follow up and we are going to do no bcp, get a period, the be away for March and at my next period do a flare protocol to try and get as many eggs as possible. I was pretty good today but I've had to have this conversation three other times, so while it wasn't easy it was more tolerable! We could have done the next cycle right away but decided we have given up enough of our lives through the last two years that we were going to keep our plans to go to Mexico and then start again in April. Of course I'm totally thinking and rethinking this decision but I think I'd be more upset if we didn't go and it didn't work the if we go and have to wait a month. Hope I don't kick myself later!

April is going to be a good month for all three of us. We deserve some happiness after this bullshit.

Katie, the 2 I'm transferring are the 2 I have left, so if this doesn't work I'll be doing another fresh cycle probably in July. Is it bad that I've already resigned myself to this? Anyway I'm on the same protocol except only 4mg Estrace instead of 6. They think my estrogen rose too high too fast last time and that's why my lining stalled on day 14.

I'm excited to start acupuncture. I'm actually going to call tomorrow to set up my first appointment.

You guys BOTH get Mexican vacations? Wtf? Where's mine?

HUGE hugs endo sisters. LHforMom and ksengbers, we haven't met before but 1) welcome, and 2) I'm so sorry for your losses. kDeezy we go way back and I had a huge tear when I read the news. Endo sucks and the fertility battle is just so damn tough.

You can do this, the three of you can do this. That is if you want. I will admit that after 2 cycles I was ready to be done, for each woman it is a personal decision.

With that said I'll also give hope. I found out that my tubes were shot because of endo. I couldn't get pregnant without having both my tubes removed. It was scary and nerve racking. But I did it - had my tubes removed and then did 2 IVF cycles. We now have a beautiful little boy. IVF is a numbers game, 60% will get preggers after 1 cycle, 80% after 2 cycles...and it keeps going up to about 96% of people will get preggers by 6 cycles.

Fuck February/March. April's your month girls.

Thank you endo wife for the welcome and hope. But most importantly congrats on your little man! This journey is so turbulent and there are seconds I want to give up, throw the towel in, and just cry for the rest of my life, but then there are minutes and hours that I still foster some sense of hope and I somehow pick myself up and keep going (it's what we all do because we have to!).

Karen I think you should book a last minute trip, you deserve it! Hoping your preoccupying your time and not obsessing about everything as much as I am ;)

ksengbers, I know what you mean about wanting to throw in the towel and then some how pushing through. My hubby was the one who actually pushed for our successful cycle. I was ready to take a break because I was so emotionally spent. He felt it was better to just 'get it over with' and endure consecutively emotionally draining months instead of stretching it out.
Not sure it was the better choice (I still feel like I'm recovering from PTSD) but it worked so I can't be but so upset.

I saw a sports psychologist through it all and also did fertility affirmations and acupuncture. Totally recommend any combination of those to help push through. Especially a few sessions of acupuncture (really calms the body!).

I'm going to the EndoMarch tomorrow in Washington, DC and I'll walk for you three because it's endo sisters like you that make me know I'm not alone in this crazy struggle...

I'm baaaaack!! Karen, you must demand a Mexican vacay! Lol (: The only reason we were able to go is because my husband makes more than I do and can afford to take me! Lol- I'm a very lucky girl!
Katie- we went to Riviera Maya and stayed at an all adults resort, Excellence. I wish we could have paid extra for all adults, all non pregnant women resort. I SWEAR, half of the women were on baby moons. God. I started to stop bitching about them out loud to my husband and started to get my drink on instead. Lol. Hahahhaaaa pregnant gloating women- I can drink!!! Lol.
Where are you going to in Mexico? You will love to have a break and I cried today at the thought of coming back to the real world. Stupid real life sucks. Vacation life is the bomb.
Sending lots of love to you all & thinking of you guys!
Endowife- I am SO thankful for you to walk last week, I can't wait to do it someday too. Thank you for walking for us all.
Monday I shall order my very expensive and not covered at all by insurance human growth hormone. Yay for spending 1,000 more dollars!!

Hey ladies!
Endo - how did the walk go? Thank you so much for thinking of us and I hope you strutted your stuff pushing your little man proudly!

Leah - We are heading to puerto Vallarta in 13 days. The only reason why we can go is bc my parents are renting a condo so free lodging! I just added up our expenses from all of this for taxes and I literally couldn't believe the number. While we are so so so so so so lucky that my insurance covers a lot of it (hugs to those whose doesn't) I don't know how we are doing this financially but somehow The Lord is providing as he always does. How did the order go? Credit cards are our new bf's! Do you just wait for AF then start stims?

Karen how's it going? Do you wait for AF then start estrogen priming?

Ok now for the cray cray news....... We are doing an iui this month and if it doesn't work we are going to do a flare protocol Ivf in April! I couldn't let a month slide by without doing anything, it felt like we were wasting a month and I would rather fail with an iui then not have tried. Is that crazy, I don't know, and I don't know if it's the right answer but it's what we are doing. I started menopur again so we will see :/ hope you all have a good week!

Leah what

Katie, I give you SO much credit for going with and IUI this month!! You're much braver than I am- I have a much worse (emotionally) time with getting a BFN during a cycle we're doing an intervention with. You're a persistent gal! (:

I hope your vacay is AWESOME! We have been to the Riviera three times now and we're too scared to go any place else in Mexico (cause we love the beaches there)! You'll have to tell us all about it!!

Omg with the taxes! We paid SO much and didn't qualify for any credits!! It's a crock of shit. Total shit! It's so frustrating.

Leah I hope you liked the double shout out, sorry! I always start like 10 paragraphs then fill them in and apparently I forgot to delete the second Leah what, sorry! Anyways, I don't know if it's brave, smart, or really fucking stupid but like I said I would rather this not work than not try.

Last summer we went to Europe 12 hours after an iui (my sister lives there so free lodging again:)) with crinone in tow, and it looks like Mexico will be the same. Only this time I have to wear a bathing suit with the crinone, that will be interesting!

Katie, I can't decide if you're crazy or brilliant for sneaking in an IUI. How WILD would it be if it worked?

I start estrogen priming with my next period which is due on 4/5. My protocol is different this time - start off 2mg per day for a few days, then 4, then 6, then back to 2. I actually need to call my nurse and ask about that because my day 1 isn't necessarily my calendar's day 1.

I'm still super jealous that you both got Mexican vacations and I've been freezing my ass off in Boston all this time!