Every morning I wake up promising myself that I will not gamble. Every night I go to bed wishing that I hadn't. It's a cycle and I can't break it. So I'm going to try posting here to see if it can help me get out of this circle of betting, winning, betting, losing, betting, chasing, quitting, betting to win back some losses and then planning to quit for good, betting and winning, betting to win more since I'm now on a roll, losing, chasing to get back the winnings, losing it all, betting again, losing, chasing, quitting... The next word in the cycle is "betting," but I'm replacing it with "posting" and hope that can put an end to it.
My vice is online sports. It's a combination of escaping from the day and the addiction to winning money. I've had a problem for 4 years now and it has escalated over the past 6 months. Before that, I was betting $300-$500 a week. It was a bad habit and I wanted to quit, but didn't. And then I discovered bitcoin as a way to fund my account. And the stakes went up. My deposits went up in both amount and frequency. In the last six months I have turned an intial deposits of $1000 into over $20,000 on five occasions, only to lose it all within 72 hours and repeating the process again and again. Of course, I always end up losing the $1000 deposit followed by losing the redposits in the chase.
So today I stop. And I'm posting this both for your support and so I can read it the next time I have the urge. Hope to update this and track my progress. I want to stop. I need to stop. My first goal is one day, my second goal is 7 days. My third goal is 30 days.
I hate being a compulsive gambler.
This time of year can be "slippery" for me. I'm starting to feel vulnerable because of the strong feelings and memories, both joyful and sad, that always come up around the holidays, not to mention the extra stress from the out-of-control consumerism, unrealistic expectations, crowds, traffic, etc all around me as the season ramps up. I'm posting to remind myself to breathe and remember that...
I am feeling sorry for myself tonight. Yes, i went on a bender at the casino and lost our last $200. I am 43 and have no money. I have two kids, who have tons of stuff, nice clothes, don't need for anything. I just hate that it's another Christmas that i don't think I'll bother with a tree as i can't afford it and there is nothing to put under it. My husband has had a trucker license the last...