Every morning I wake up promising myself that I will not gamble. Every night I go to bed wishing that I hadn't. It's a cycle and I can't break it. So I'm going to try posting here to see if it can help me get out of this circle of betting, winning, betting, losing, betting, chasing, quitting, betting to win back some losses and then planning to quit for good, betting and winning, betting to win more since I'm now on a roll, losing, chasing to get back the winnings, losing it all, betting again, losing, chasing, quitting... The next word in the cycle is "betting," but I'm replacing it with "posting" and hope that can put an end to it.
My vice is online sports. It's a combination of escaping from the day and the addiction to winning money. I've had a problem for 4 years now and it has escalated over the past 6 months. Before that, I was betting $300-$500 a week. It was a bad habit and I wanted to quit, but didn't. And then I discovered bitcoin as a way to fund my account. And the stakes went up. My deposits went up in both amount and frequency. In the last six months I have turned an intial deposits of $1000 into over $20,000 on five occasions, only to lose it all within 72 hours and repeating the process again and again. Of course, I always end up losing the $1000 deposit followed by losing the redposits in the chase.
So today I stop. And I'm posting this both for your support and so I can read it the next time I have the urge. Hope to update this and track my progress. I want to stop. I need to stop. My first goal is one day, my second goal is 7 days. My third goal is 30 days.
I hate being a compulsive gambler.
I’m not struggling today. I have no desire to gamble. I realize there’s no cure for my addiction, but I know, that by not feeding my addiction, I can begin leading a better way of living, and thinking. I’m not struggling today, but I never want to forget it’s because I’m not gambling today. Never. To become complacent would be detrimental to my recovery, I’ve had to learn...
I’m in a dark place. A really dark place. Every single day is a struggle to make it through. I find myself sitting at work wondering how I’ll make it through the day. I’m in my twenties, and in a crushing amount of debt with absolutely no way out, I’m over qualified and under-experienced so basically shit out of luck. After being medically discharged from the army my life fell to bits...