Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Every morning I wake up promising myself that I will not gamble. Every night I go to bed wishing that I hadn't. It's a cycle and I can't break it. So I'm going to try posting here to see if it can help me get out of this circle of betting, winning, betting, losing, betting, chasing, quitting, betting to win back some losses and then planning to quit for good, betting and winning, betting to win more since I'm now on a roll, losing, chasing to get back the winnings, losing it all, betting again, losing, chasing, quitting... The next word in the cycle is "betting," but I'm replacing it with "posting" and hope that can put an end to it.
My vice is online sports. It's a combination of escaping from the day and the addiction to winning money. I've had a problem for 4 years now and it has escalated over the past 6 months. Before that, I was betting $300-$500 a week. It was a bad habit and I wanted to quit, but didn't. And then I discovered bitcoin as a way to fund my account. And the stakes went up. My deposits went up in both amount and frequency. In the last six months I have turned an intial deposits of $1000 into over $20,000 on five occasions, only to lose it all within 72 hours and repeating the process again and again. Of course, I always end up losing the $1000 deposit followed by losing the redposits in the chase.
So today I stop. And I'm posting this both for your support and so I can read it the next time I have the urge. Hope to update this and track my progress. I want to stop. I need to stop. My first goal is one day, my second goal is 7 days. My third goal is 30 days.
I hate being a compulsive gambler.
Another point I want to raise. I know everyone's intentions here are altruistic. But, understand that what works for one person may not work for someone else. We all share the same illness. But we all have different struggles and different circumstances. I am very grateful for the advice I have received. And I hope I have provided some good advice to others. But noone else knows our unique specific circumstances. So if your advice is rejected, don't get annoyed. It may work for you, which is awesome. But it may not be the best path for others. And please be respectful and ok with that. The bottom line is this - we are all rooting for each other. We are all rooting for ourselves. The enemy is gambling and we all must defeat it. Our paths to success will be different for each of us. But as long as we stay away from our enemy, no matter how we do it, we'll be ok.
By the way...Do they have a forumn here for "fear of flying"? I am going on a 6 hour plane ride in 1 month. I need encouragement and support because I get scared at times when I think about this trip.
Keep inching along, you are making progress.
As the days of abstinence turned into weeks and months the realization I would need to address this debt slowly became easier to manage. It took me about 6 months before I actually sat down and put all the numbers together. Before that I was just sending off minimum payments and like you, wishing there was a way I could go back in time and undo it all. I believe the financial ruin is why the suicide rate among gamblers is so high. Once the music stops and you're faced with what's left it can be very bleak.
I kept up with my minimum payments for about 10 months after I quit gambling. I was struggling though. Despite working all the overtime I could I was short money every month and under a ton of stress. I began to realize this stress threatened my recovery. I finally reached out to a financial professional, put my pride aside, and showed him everything I had done. It was a challenge to be this vulnerable to a total stranger but it was the 2nd best decision I ever made (the first being the decision to stop gambling). They painted a realistic picture of what it would take to pay off my debt and treated me with compassion and understanding. Ultimately for me the only sustainable option was Chapter 13 bankruptcy. I felt like a total failure. I worked hard my whole life to build good credit and the fact that gambling stole that from me as well was hard to accept. But I could see it was the only path back to financial stability.
It's been over 2 1/2 years since I stopped gambling and almost 2 years since I filed bankruptcy. I still owe about 25% of my original debt (which had surpassed 6 figures). My bankruptcy and remaining debt will be totally resolved by 2019. While I am not completely recovered yet I am in a much better spot than I was in 2014. I am slowly trying to rebuild my savings and get back to where I was before I stepped into a casino. There is a clear light at the end of the tunnel now and while my credit may take longer to recover I will be in a strong financial position in short order. Every day I get one step closer to having this all behind me.
In some ways I am grateful for my addiction. That may sound strange but after all I have been though I am a much more patient, kinder, compassionate, stronger man today than I was before I became a gambling addict. Fighting my addiction has made me a better person unquestionably.
There is no reason to wallow in regret. It helps nothing. All you can do is forge a path forward. It sounds like you are already working on a plan to pay back your debt. If you apply yourself there's no reason you can't be successful. 2 years will go by in the blink of an eye. The important thing is to equip yourself with the tools necessary to abstain from gambling even when your debt is gone. This addiction never goes away. It is always lurking in the shadows. That doesn't mean you can't defeat it. Many people successfully overcome this addiction and the damage it caused. You can be one of them.
I hope to read more from you, we need you here.