Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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Help my stop gambling

CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras

Every morning I wake up promising myself that I will not gamble. Every night I go to bed wishing that I hadn't. It's a cycle and I can't break it. So I'm going to try posting here to see if it can help me get out of this circle of betting, winning, betting, losing, betting, chasing, quitting, betting to win back some losses and then planning to quit for good, betting and winning, betting to win more since I'm now on a roll, losing, chasing to get back the winnings, losing it all, betting again, losing, chasing, quitting... The next word in the cycle is "betting," but I'm replacing it with "posting" and hope that can put an end to it. 



My vice is online sports. It's a combination of escaping from the day and the addiction to winning money. I've had a problem for 4 years now and it has escalated over the past 6 months. Before that, I was betting $300-$500 a week. It was a bad habit and I wanted to quit, but didn't. And then I discovered bitcoin as a way to fund my account. And the stakes went up. My deposits went up in both amount and frequency. In the last six months I have turned an intial deposits of $1000 into over $20,000 on five occasions, only to lose it all within 72 hours and repeating the process again and again. Of course, I always end up losing the $1000 deposit followed by losing the redposits in the chase. 



So today I stop. And I'm posting this both for your support and so I can read it the next time I have the urge. Hope to update this and track my progress. I want to stop. I need to stop. My first goal is one day, my second goal is 7 days. My third goal is 30 days. 


I hate being a compulsive gambler.


CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
Day 21 without a wager. I don't miss it. I spent some time reading all of the posts in this thread. Lots of regret. Wish I had stopped sooner. Wish I had limited the debt. Still, I'm in a better place now. My values are being restored. Starting to appreciate more what I have.

I've been running debt reduction and credit score analyses all morning. In 24 months I should be able to have paid down the credit cards and paid back the personal loan. According to fico score simulator, that should push my credit score back up. So I better not do any more damage because things are still salvageable. If I can just stay the course, I can dig out of this mess and at age 45 finally buy a home for my family. That's my goal now. One week away from completing my 1st month of abstinence in years and then 23 more months to go.
Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc
21 days that you've encouraged all of us to take a look at exactly where we were then, and where we are now. I love the honesty in your posts, I aim for honesty in mine. I have no desire to gamble today, for that I am truly grateful. It seems strange to me that I'm beginning to feel completely in the moment, is that my concentration improving? My true sense of humor is creeping back day by day, funny, little things tickle me again. And sadness, sometimes feeling overwhelming regret and guilt, then able to let it go. Lots and lots of fun projects have been popping into my mind! My creative juices are flowing! I love recovery !
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
Day 25. 5 days away from my first gamble free month in years.
Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc
Day 25, huge congrats coming your way!
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
Day 27. 3 days from my first moth of abstinence. Feeling an urge. I actually miss sports betting today. I have enough barriers in place to prevent it from happening. But I find myself missing it today.
Qwit4Good
Qwit4Good
Why don't you have a plan to do something else? If you plan to do things that are good for you, then there is no time to keep thinking/dwelling on the things you don't want to do that are not good for you. How about taking a walk when you think about gambling or getting out art supplies, or playing with children, or volunteering somewhere?
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
Quit4Good, thank you for the response. I know you are well meaning and a good person. But this advice is not helpful to me. It may be helpful for you. But I don't like art. Based on this and your prior posts, you do. Also, you have criticized me on a prior post about mentioning my losses ($75,000). Ok, you don't like me mentioning numbers. But it helps me. It also helps others. I know because it helped me to hear about the numbers lost by other people.

There are many of us looking for help and in recovery. If you don't like my posts or approaches, ignore them. But please do not lecture me about what I can and cannot post. And what may work for you may not be what I need to follow. We are all different and our paths to recovery are different. Please respect that.
skip88
skip88
No need for that my friend. The lady was just trying to help with suggestions to distract you from your obsession to think about gambling. Just as a drug addict would fantasize about jabbing a neddle in their vein. No different! This number thing of yours was a way to keep score and it does happen to be a trigger for some of us. I personally am not impressed by this amount as I lost that much on a 3 day binge years ago when my mother passed away. The amounts do not matter, as a small loss can be just as devastating to someone mentally as a large one. So please show some respect for your fellow gamblers in recovery as it is not all about you. As for my friend Quit she has forgotten more about the treatment of this disease than you will ever learn. She has helped more people here and has asked for nothing in return but the respect she deserves. Going thru withdrawal like you are experiencing can cause you to strike out at the ones who are trying to help you the most and I understand that to a point. But sometimes it is better to keep quite, observe and move on. Pick your battles carefully, and learn to be grateful for just being alive and breathing. A whole lot of people are so much worse off than you or I and you never hear them complain about it. That is what I call grateful and classy human beings. Surprises are part of Gods plan. They remind us he is still in charge.
Cunder
Cunder
I feel all of your pain. I recently came into some money (over $50,000) and I was excited about it. I paid some bills, moved my family, and afterward had approximately $30,000 left. Within two weeks I've lost all of the $30,000 gambling. During that time I've lost $5,000 per day and won $5,000, $13,000, $12,000, etc. on days to eventually lose all of my money. Now, it's rent time and I have just enough to pay rent and a couple of bills for the month. I beyond sick to my stomach and upset with myself for falling into this trap again. I was diagnosed with a gambling problem three years ago. I went to treatment and was doing well up until 2 months ago. Since April 2017 I've lost over $40,000 in gambling chasing my loses. I now wake up every day wanting my money back and trying to figure out ways to get it back immediately. My thoughts are becoming delusional and I'm overwhelmed by these sickening feelings and thought. I have another $15,000 to $2o,000 coming in at the end of this month, and I'm afraid of what I may do with this money. My thoughts are that I can use it to get back what I lost.
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
Day 30. I just went back and read every post in this thread starting with April 3rd. What a struggle. And here I am. Made it to 30 Days. On Independence Day, if that isn't ironic. One year ago today I was excited about a winning wager on Sam Querrey upsetting Novak Djokovic at Wimbledon. Little did I know then the financial ruin I would be in one year later. It will take 2 years to recover from this. But I just made it through my first 30 days, so now down to 23 months. I can do this. Looking back at my posts, I sure had a lot of "Day 1's" over the last 3 months. Well now I have a Month 1. Already thinking about how good it will feel next July 4th, when I'm one year gambling free and have paid down half my debt. I can get there.
Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc
30 days! Ta-dum! You're doing this, man! Keep going, one day at a time is how we roll! Happy 4th!
Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc
30 days! Ta-dum! You're doing this, man! Keep going, one day at a time is how we roll! Happy 4th!
Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc
30 days! Ta-dum! You're doing this, man! Keep going, one day at a time is how we roll! Happy 4th!
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
30 days gambling free but still very much in debt. Looking back and sick to my stomach at how I let this happen. $50,000 in maxed out credit cards and $25,000 on a personal loan. I just want to go back in time. How am I going to dig out of this?
Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc
You will dig yourself out of debt one payment at a time. It's only money, not your happiness or your sanity. I know that's easy for me to say, but for me, gambling wasn't about winning, it was always about playing the game until I had to stop. Only after losing money did I start to think about my actual survival. Money is for our survival, to buy important things like food. Sometimes I wonder why we would risk so much to feed our addictions, but we did. We can't go back in time, or zoom forward either. I know you know this... I also know you know no amount of worrying or wishing is going to clear that huge debt you owe. One payment at a time for your debt, and one day at a time for your well being. Stay strong, CrookedZebras