Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Every morning I wake up promising myself that I will not gamble. Every night I go to bed wishing that I hadn't. It's a cycle and I can't break it. So I'm going to try posting here to see if it can help me get out of this circle of betting, winning, betting, losing, betting, chasing, quitting, betting to win back some losses and then planning to quit for good, betting and winning, betting to win more since I'm now on a roll, losing, chasing to get back the winnings, losing it all, betting again, losing, chasing, quitting... The next word in the cycle is "betting," but I'm replacing it with "posting" and hope that can put an end to it.
My vice is online sports. It's a combination of escaping from the day and the addiction to winning money. I've had a problem for 4 years now and it has escalated over the past 6 months. Before that, I was betting $300-$500 a week. It was a bad habit and I wanted to quit, but didn't. And then I discovered bitcoin as a way to fund my account. And the stakes went up. My deposits went up in both amount and frequency. In the last six months I have turned an intial deposits of $1000 into over $20,000 on five occasions, only to lose it all within 72 hours and repeating the process again and again. Of course, I always end up losing the $1000 deposit followed by losing the redposits in the chase.
So today I stop. And I'm posting this both for your support and so I can read it the next time I have the urge. Hope to update this and track my progress. I want to stop. I need to stop. My first goal is one day, my second goal is 7 days. My third goal is 30 days.
I hate being a compulsive gambler.
Play the tape. It's the best advice I've received since beginning my non-gambling journey. You know how this is going to play out win or lose.
Today I will not gamble
I have to say that the desire to bet on sports the past few months was strong. So at the 5 month mark I allowed myself one wager. I used to bet $500-$1000 per game. This time I let myself wager $25. That was it. No reload. Just see how far that went. And then I lost it, as I expected. And it was done. I got the desire out of my system and reaffirmed how the result played out. That helped a lot. I haven't been fighting any temptions since then. So I've found refraining from gambling to now be much easier. One of the reasons I haven't been on this board In the past month is because I haven't been thinking about gambling. But I thought today I'd post an update on how things are going as it might help others to see what the journey can look like.
I still regret how much gambling hurt my life. But I've also learned much from it and feel good about the future. Watching the debt come down doesn't just reduce stress. It rebuilds self-esteem. I don't feel like a victim to an addiction, as I did a few months ago. Instead I feel like a different person who is taking responsibility for my mistakes and repaying the debt that I irresponsibility caused. I can feel that sense ownership affecting me in a positive way in other parts of my life as well. I just feel more in control of my life and able to accomplish much more. You never realize how much gambling holds you back (beyond the financial losses) until you're living without it.
Hope some of this helps. Good luck on your journey to freedom. I'll post more updates down the road.