Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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CrookedZebras 04/03/2017

Every morning I wake up promising myself that I will not gamble. Every night I go to bed wishing that I hadn't. It's a cycle and I can't break it. So I'm going to try posting here to see if it can help me get out of this circle of betting, winning, betting, losing, betting, chasing, quitting, betting to win back some losses and then planning to quit for good, betting and winning, betting to win more since I'm now on a roll, losing, chasing to get back the winnings, losing it all, betting again, losing, chasing, quitting... The next word in the cycle is "betting," but I'm replacing it with "posting" and hope that can put an end to it.

My vice is online sports. It's a combination of escaping from the day and the addiction to winning money. I've had a problem for 4 years now and it has escalated over the past 6 months. Before that, I was betting $300-$500 a week. It was a bad habit and I wanted to quit, but didn't. And then I discovered bitcoin as a way to fund my account. And the stakes went up. My deposits went up in both amount and frequency. In the last six months I have turned an intial deposits of $1000 into over $20,000 on five occasions, only to lose it all within 72 hours and repeating the process again and again. Of course, I always end up losing the $1000 deposit followed by losing the redposits in the chase.

So today I stop. And I'm posting this both for your support and so I can read it the next time I have the urge. Hope to update this and track my progress. I want to stop. I need to stop. My first goal is one day, my second goal is 7 days. My third goal is 30 days.

I hate being a compulsive gambler.

Robin-Mc 08/16/2017

Yes, to everything skip just wrote. CrookedZebs, you're doing this! We put one foot in front of the other and continue to move forward, that is, as long as we can continue to trust ourselves. Of course, this stupid addiction is about money, we need it to survive. We've all heard "money can't buy you love", ditto for trust, money can't buy us self-respect either. I suppose that's why I've always said it's not about the money, it's an addiction, and a terrible one that robs us of so much. So, stay strong and reap the rewards one day at a time.

itsjustmeagain 08/17/2017

yes, God does have a master plan for you....hang in there, it can only get better

CrookedZebras 08/17/2017

It just keeps getting worse. Expenses keep coming up and piling on. Still not gambling. But can I please get a break? Please!

CrookedZebras 08/19/2017

75 days without a wager.

Robin-Mc 08/20/2017

HIGH FIVE!

backinblack 08/22/2017

Just remember that 75 days without a wager is a break. Gambling would have only made things worse and you are getting stronger everyday and that is getting you closer to a break.
Part of our nature as compulsive gamblers is the desire for instant gratification but the old saying "good things come to those who wait" is very true in many ways. Keep up the good work and the rest of the things will take care of themselves. Just for today I will not gamble! Stay Strong.

CrookedZebras 08/23/2017

Had a weird dream last night that I was gambling. I'm now over 11 weeks gambling free. In my dream I started betting on football games. I lost, and chased, lost, and chased. Ended up losing $7000. I regretted it, both the losing and giving up my streak of no gambling. In the dream, I was conscious of the fact that I hadn't gambled in 11 weeks. Then I woke up with disgust and regret. I couldn't tell if it was just a dream. So I started checking my internet history to confirm whether I was wagering. Fortunately, I wasn't and it really was just a dream. Can't believe how real it seemed. How weird.

Robin-Mc 08/23/2017

My gambling dreams are like yours, they seem so real, including in instant regret and disgust with myself. To me they are real reminders of why I can't gamble, a horrible peek back at how it use to be. What a relief to wake up and realize it was just a nightmare.

CrookedZebras 08/25/2017

I wonder why we our dreams are about us losing rather than winning?

Robin-Mc 08/26/2017

Deep inside, maybe we know we'll lose it, no matter what. Because we understand we can't gamble like a normal person, we're complusive when we gamble, and always will be.

CrookedZebras 08/31/2017

First day of the college football season today. I miss betting today. It was fun having action on the games. But, today I am not wagering. I know I can't stop so I know I can't start. Over 12 weeks without a bet and I don't intend to break the streak.

Robin-Mc 09/01/2017

Be strong, Zebs

CrookedZebras 09/02/2017

Today is Day 90. Today is also the first Saturday of the new college football season. Important for me to get through this weekend. Big milestone. Big test. Must have resolve. No wagering. Can't break the streak.

CrookedZebras 09/03/2017

Made it through yesterday. Even watched some of the games. It was weird watching a football game without having a bet on it. But went back and looked at my prior posts. Also looked at the financial damage gambling has caused me. $75,000 of debt and about $200,000 lost. That's enough to scare me from every betting again. Looking at the numbers makes me sick, but it also makes me never want to gamble again. And it kept me from wanting to bet on the games. It's easy to remember how much fun being in action can be. Looking at the numbers is realty of the destruction gambling really caused. Made it through 90 days. Made through opening weekend of football. Doing well keeping away from betting. Now just need to have some success dealing with this debt.

skip88 09/03/2017

I remember a lot about being in action but can not think of it as fun. It never made me happy, but sure made me depressed. You might look at your debt as a help right now for without it you sound like you would be right back out there in the mix. Instead of focusing on amounts lost think about what you have not lost, and take a glimpse at the news and the people who truly lost everything during the storm and reflect on that. I choose not to watch the games for they were just a means for me to perpetuate my addiction between poker and sports betting. I also have not touched a deck of cards in over two and a half years.These are safeguards I use because I know I am just one bet away from relapse and the thought is terrifying. Yes, I embrace my fear of ever returning as a godsend to sustain my sobriety. Be proud of your 90 days and protect and build on them for they are truly your most precious possession right now. God Bless

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