Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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Help my stop gambling

CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras

Every morning I wake up promising myself that I will not gamble. Every night I go to bed wishing that I hadn't. It's a cycle and I can't break it. So I'm going to try posting here to see if it can help me get out of this circle of betting, winning, betting, losing, betting, chasing, quitting, betting to win back some losses and then planning to quit for good, betting and winning, betting to win more since I'm now on a roll, losing, chasing to get back the winnings, losing it all, betting again, losing, chasing, quitting... The next word in the cycle is "betting," but I'm replacing it with "posting" and hope that can put an end to it. 



My vice is online sports. It's a combination of escaping from the day and the addiction to winning money. I've had a problem for 4 years now and it has escalated over the past 6 months. Before that, I was betting $300-$500 a week. It was a bad habit and I wanted to quit, but didn't. And then I discovered bitcoin as a way to fund my account. And the stakes went up. My deposits went up in both amount and frequency. In the last six months I have turned an intial deposits of $1000 into over $20,000 on five occasions, only to lose it all within 72 hours and repeating the process again and again. Of course, I always end up losing the $1000 deposit followed by losing the redposits in the chase. 



So today I stop. And I'm posting this both for your support and so I can read it the next time I have the urge. Hope to update this and track my progress. I want to stop. I need to stop. My first goal is one day, my second goal is 7 days. My third goal is 30 days. 


I hate being a compulsive gambler.


CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
Thanks, Robin. I'm just upset with myself that I can't buy a house for my family. They deserve it. I make a six figure salary, in large part because of the support my wife gave me to succeed in my career. Even though I am professionally successful, I have no money and tremendous debt because of gambling. Yes, I have gotten help and am in treatment. Yes, I have stopped. But the last six months have destroyed me. Why couldn't I have stopped sooner. Why did I start. Why can't I go back in time just 6 months, or 5 months, or 3 months. I'm so sad and angry with myself. I can't even look at my family knowing how I let them down. Even if and when I pay off this debt, it does nothing to make up to them everything they have been deprived. I'm struggling with remorse and regret. And praying for a miracle.
skip88
skip88
The only miracle you should be interested in is to stay away from gambling. Losing money never destroyed anyone, but losing everything else will. I lost so much gambling but money is at the bottom of my list. Was just dirty paper for me to support an addiction that went on forever. The time with loved ones, so many missed opportunities, and basically squandering my life away are what really mattered and that is why I have no desire to return. And no amount of financial gain would change that. Move on my friend. It is what it is.
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
Thank you, Skip. As always, I appreciate your support, insight, and guidance. On the plus side, I finally made it over 30 days and have no desire to go back. I know football season will be a trigger so I'm bracing for that. One of the reasons I want to keep posting here is so that I can read about my struggle to stop and how all of it would be for naught with a single bet. Not going near it again. No desire to experience these lows again. It's like you said in a prior post, we're fighting for our lives here.
skip88
skip88
30 days is a huge accomplishment and I know it had to be a struggle. I too dread the football season but know I can make it one day at a time. My biggest trigger is looking at the lines and line movement. I know I can no longer do that if I want to remain gambling free. So I avoid those at all times and try to remember these are just games, nothing more.
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
I'm still preoccupied with my debt. But at least I'm no longer preoccupied with gambling. For the fourth weekend in a row, I'm spending time with my family rather than focusing on what games I can bet on. I also don't have that constant tension of following a game and hoping my team or player wins while trying to maintain a "normal" demeanor around others. Now I'm actually paying attention and listening to what is happening around me. Kind of like coming out of a fog. A little surreal actually.

Over a month without gambling. No more being glued to a game only to bet winnings or chase losses with the next game. Spending my time with my family. Really spending it. Not just being physically present, but mentally here too. Right now I'm not debating whether to bet on the Orioles or the Nationals. No. instead I'm debating where to spend the day with the family. Go the park? A museum? A fair? Amusement park? Much more fun, and less stressful, choosing between these options than which team to bet on.
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
I love not gambling. My mind feels so free. I am more focused at work. Enjoying time with my family. It's a good feeling.
Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc
Doing the next right thing is always a good feeling. Good job!
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
40 days and 40 nights. I read a report that said that it takes about four weeks for the urges to dissipate. I think that's about right. For the first month, I stayed away from gambling because I was disgusted by the debt it created. But these past 10 days, it hasn't been as much about disgust but rather a lack of urge to gamble. When confronted with a stressful situation, my immediate thoughts used to turn to gambling. I'm noticing that that doesn't seem to be the case now. It seems like my mind and body are breaking away from its conditioning of turning to gambling to deal with stress. I'm start to just tackle the problem head on rather than looking for an escape. Seems like I'm being more productive with my time as a result. Good things happen when you quit gambling,
Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc
Right on!
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
I'm now over 6 weeks gambling free. I'm really posting this for my own benefit since there's little support for those who oppose the Nazis (highlimit, qwuit, ...) on this board. They spend their energies attacking and controlling people rather than genuinely supporting folks. Maybe it makes highlimit feel like a tough guy. I'm enjoying being gambling free. The first step in breaking the routine is realizing that gambling (win or lose) will never help you deal with life. I'm more than 6 weeks free and can't imagine betting again. As you can see from this thread, it was a struggle to get here. I have no idea if God will give me the life I always dreamt of. But I know that whatever happens, my life will be gambling free. I'll deal with financial issues, as hard as they can be, without gambling. I'll build and rebuild my life. I'll work. I'll earn an income. I'll deal with debts. But gambling is no longer part of the equation. Period. Highlimit may want me to fail. But I will succeed. No matter what.
itsjustmeagain
itsjustmeagain
I just paid my mortgage ..............ahhhhh that felt good !!!

Have a gamble free day everyone :)
thegospel
thegospel
You can't do it by yourself. Seek. Knock.
Qwit4Good
Qwit4Good
"those who oppose the Nazis (highlimit, qwuit, .." ----> Not necessary and just shows your immaturity.
CrookedZebras
CrookedZebras
7 weeks today! I started this post hoping to get to 30 days. What a struggle that was. But once you get by that first month, it gets a bit easier. Gambling gets removed from your routine and it starts to feel "normal" not gambling. I'll keep posting on how I'm doing for those who are trying to quit and may be helped by reading about my journey. At 7 weeks, I can tell you that the impulses are greatly reduced. This is consistent with the medical studies. 30 days is the first major threshold for dealing with an addiction, With gambling, the biggest threat to recovery is that once the gambler starts to lose the urge, he believes he can dip back into it under the false belief that he can be more controlled than his last binge. Not so. Once your brain has been manipulated by gambling, it can't go back. Just one bet will put you back into the center of the addiction. At least, that's what I've come to understand from the studies that I have read. So, here I am. 7 weeks gambling free. Broken the routine. Now working on never going back.
Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc
Very well done. And you're right, we can never go back to gambling and expect a different outcome. That's just crazy thinking! I've got 4+ months without gambling, and my world is beginning to open up in so many ways. Seriously, life is popping out of the woodwork, I'm happy for the first time in my adult life, in a very long time. It really isn't about money for me. I was so afraid recovery would take so much away from me, but it hasn't. I'm happy to find myself, a little worse for the wear, but still here! Laughing and engaging in life on it's terms. I couldn't ask for more. So, just for today I will not gamble.