I believe that the key to a successful relationship is trust. Without trust, there is nothing. People in a relationship should be able to live individual lives outside of that relationship. If someone wants to deny another of their right to live outside of the relationship, then they are trying to control the situation. I hope this works out for you, and if not...maybe I'll join you in the whole Monk thing...

My thoughts don't get in my way. They are just thoughts - but, I spend time in mediatation and have learned to see my thoughts differently.

Having a thought doesn't mean a thing without action.



It almost suggests we should have NO friends because we might have an "inappropriate thought" about a man or woman our same sex friend is with.

"Having a thought doesn't mean a thing without action. "

Disagree entirely.

Ate-y

I can sit beside my wife and think all day long about banging the neighbhours wife but not act on it and it's OK?

Again it's not black and white.

I can have the though recognize I had the though and put it aside. If I keep thinking it then I have some work to do.

Apparently I can't type t at the end of thought.

OK then I am naive, because I feel the exact same way as Rman and JoSpring.

No surprise, but I'm with Bernie.

The action you would be taking is obsessing over the original thought and become attached to it.

That points to a bigger issue that your obsessing thoughts are pointing to.

As we all learned by now wife/husband/boyfriends/girlfriends come and go...
FRIENDS stay forever.

That's not the definition of "action."

wow. I'm kinda stuck on Frank's responses here.. To answer pemd, I think she should trust you and not try to control your friendships. I do like the idea someone had about inviting the new GF along to meet your female friends....might help. Trust issues are tough, once you've been hurt, but even I (with some serious trust issues) would try VERY hard not to do what this woman is doing to you, Cat. Red flag for sure.

Frank......for real? So if I have a really good male friend who is happily married and I do NOT find him attractive, that thought still exists for him? I'm not so sure. I have guy friends and i think you CAN just be friends. One of my closest friends is happily married, adores his wife and kids, and I do not find him attractive. All is well. I really doubt he is jacking off to my image. lol. I find your responses interesting, though, and i'm not a guy, so I'm thinking about what you have said here. If a guy I was dating had a problem with me seeing my male friends without him there, I would certainly respect that and invite him to come along. I think you have to consider your BF/GF's feelings, too..

if obsessing is a verb, then it is the definition

I'm not saying you are wrong. I get that it may get in the way. I understand that if there is an attraction a friendship may end for many reasons.

You also know I can be naive about things. Maybe I'm too fundamentally good in some ways. As a great friend of mine has told me more than once. It's who I am and I'm okay with that. I still believe people can be trusted despite my personal history. I also would never want someone I cared for to end a friendship just because that person was attractive. I would never let jealousy override my trust when I gave it to someone. I also wouldn't be in a relationship with someone unless I really trusted them.

So what if a male friend jerks off while thinking of me, Enjoy. Don't tell me. My male friends know were my boundaries are. It was very rare I ever had to address this issue. Not sure if it was due to knowing the type of person I was or not being attracted to me. =p

There's no action, regardless of whether there's a verb. Hence, "action."

You can't lock up someone for being obsessed with sodomizing children. There's no action. But the instant he tries to have sex with a child, you can arrest him.