Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
on the matter regarding a dating relationship. i have been dating a woman for a out 3 months, and she is starting to dictate who my friends are. I have a female friend that is like a sister to me and I am now being told that I talk to and visit her way to much. C (the lady I am dating) doesn't have a problem if I hang out with my guy friends and do whatever..... but she doesn't believe that males and females can be friends with out hanky panky going on.......Several women on the boad know me, and we have hung out at some meetups......I consider them as friends and can talk and visit, the feel as if they are family. This seems like she is asking me to give up family.....and I am fairly sure the next step will be to not hang with the guy friends...... and then family....I have
DUNN that and I will never do that again.......Am I being paranoid?
All opinions welcomed......I think I may be about to become a monk..... Naw I like people to much......
thanks
AJJ.
DUNN that and I will never do that again.......Am I being paranoid?
All opinions welcomed......I think I may be about to become a monk..... Naw I like people to much......
thanks
AJJ.
She is controlling.
She has trust issues.
She thinks you're a cheater.
She knows you are a hot find and she is afraid to lose you.
Run Kitty! Runnnnnnnnn!!!
signed,
H. Panky
One thing that I learned in all this is that when they show us who they are we are responsible for seeing it.
A. She is trying to tell you who you can be friends with. Red Flag
b. She is insecure and jealous.. Red Flag
c. She is just beginning to show you just how manipulative and controlling she can be. Huge Red Flag.
Pemdcat, I know your history. We don't get a do over. You have walked in this hole already in your life. Time to walk around.
this comes from someone that has the T-shirt and handbook. Big hugs, K
I have a similar problem..... I just started seeing a guy (and I REALLY like him) but too have friends I met on here that come to visit and stay with me. I told my guy next time that happens he is welcome to come over and stay too...... I hope that convinces him.
And you know me kitty... I would never tell my guy he can't have female friends but would hope he would introduce me to them.
Nope, you are not being paranoid. Listen to your inner voice. It sounds like she has some trust issues and those issues are hers, not yours. Having met you, I know you are a perfect gentleman, so the fears are hers. I think you are wise to look ahead--this could be some controlling issues too.
All you can do is talk with her and try to work it out, but if the issues are hers then there may not be anything you can do.
The dating world is tough; I'm seeing someone as well and wish there was an easy-to-read how-to manual for relationships, but there isn't. You just have to keep talking and communicating and let the other person know where you stand on issues.
Good luck and Merry Christmas!!!!
I personally am a bit different than most, and don't put gender restrictions on my partners friends. It just doesn't make any sense.. plus if I don't trust their word/actions.. I shouldn't be with them.
Many people live with partners that restrict friends by gender..if you can live with that fine. Personally, nobody is going to control or tell me who my friends can and cannot be.
Good luck with this! Keep us posted....
I think that I have answered my own questions and you are right that the red flags could fill Tienanmen Square..... I don't want to hurt her....but I can't and won't give up my friends....my friends have been with me through many battles and always had my back even when I deserted them..... I must add her priority list
My daughter
C (her)
My mother
the rest of my family
.
.
.
.Friends
Thanks and keep the ideas coming...I still don't know...yes I do but I feel like a fucktard caught in the middle.....
I can't help but notice the srong language "she is starting to dictate who my friends are" you used at the begining it doesn't really apply in the example you cited. Are you looking for an out?
But I also think it's really controlling to insist a guy sever certain friendships.
Ideally, the person (in this case pem) would seriously curtail the friendship on his own (as in, hardly ever speaking to or seeing the friend out of consideration of his girlfriend's feelings) but for her to insist on it is too controlling and a red flag.
I had a relationship where his best friend was a woman. I always had a hard time with the fact he was spending time with her. There was something that I just couldn't get past. I wanted to trust him but I new something wasn't quite right no matter how hard I tried. I tried to do stuff with the two of them but time and work always got in the way. After we split, I did find out they slept together. So I have a hard time accepting guys have women friends.
I would include her in the things you do. Don't keep anything from her, even phone calls. I am sure you are a wonderful, trustworthy guy. When bad things have happened to people before, it takes time to get over those issues. I wish you all the best.