Manda, you've put it to the top of the table. For me, hair pulling is still a part of me, just a daily strength project that I am working with in this moment. I know, Booyah, that life is full of adventures, and anxiety is a natural part of who we are. Finding what works right now will help you and having the encouragement of the support groups, here, trich world, and using those to help get your hands and hair in sync to cope positively with anxiety is possible.
Sometimes, it takes a path of meandering, other times, a wave or several crashing ashore, and we're all here to help you stand up and go again!
You can do this!

Awwwww, thanks you guys? I'm like crying reading these kind judgmental messages of unconditional support. That's why I keep disappearing and coming back here.

Well today I counted how my hairs I pulled out and it was 150. Wow..... how freaking depressing is that? So I have basically been pulling out 150 plus hairs for like eight straight months. No wonder I have had to resort to wearing hair extensions in order to look like I have any volume to my hair left (I have graduated from picking at just a few spots to pulling all over. Go me).

What really scares me is how out of control it feels. I really need a lot of willpower and awareness to control this habit, and right now it just feels like it is controlling me instead of vice versa.

But it's like I either have to get better at being more aware, or continue pulling out 150 plus hairs a day until not even extensions will be enough anymore.

I guess tomorrow I will try to pull out no more than 140? : /

I MEAN, HOW COULD I POSSIBLY DO ANY WORSE? I GUESS I COULD PULL OUT MORE THAN 150 HAIRS.

I have this meeting tomorrow at 11 am that I am dreading; I am way behind on my work obligations with these people and it's really hard not to suspect that they think I am a useless idiot. But that's like trying to read their minds when I actually have no idea what they're really thinking, so fuck that.

I have an appointment with a college counselor tomorrow so maybe I will bring up the pulling. I don't know what else she could say that is useful besides "keep track and try to be aware of when you're doing it." Blah blah blah, I know what my triggers are,

I am using an app called ipro habit track to keep track of how many hairs I pull; it has all these bells and whistles that drive me crazy. I'm like, I just want to track how many times a day I do my bad habit, WHY IS THAT SO COMPLICATED?

If anyone has recommendations for other apps for tracking hair pulling I would sure love to hear it. I have a Galaxy, not an iphone, so unfortunately that means there's some iphone-only apps I can't buy, because Apple sucks.

Of course, I meant to say "non-judgmental messages of unconditional support." : p

The main thing I have learned about trich is that it is not so much about willpower. It is so much more about finding coping mechanisms that allow you to fight through the urges without pulling. Blaming failure on lack of willpower is unfair to ourselves, because no amount of willpower in the world will defeat urges without tricks such as barriers, distractions, and ways to raise awareness. It takes time to build up awareness and it is a gradual process. It also takes time to find methods that work for you. It is realistic and attainable to stop pulling gradually. Counting how many hairs you pull is a great way to hold yourself accountable and to view progress. I don't have a smartphone, so I just make a calender each month to track progress...it works well, but I know there are some apps others on here that have used.

zomg it's 4.20 pm and I haven't pulled today.

if i make it through the next six hours then I can go to bed and it will have been A PULL FREE DAY.

hope I can make it.

That out of control feeling is what most scares me too. But I KNOW, that ultimately, I HAVE CONTROL. It may be hard to gain control at times, and for sure it requires a lot of work a lot of the time, but I HAVE CONTROL. And so do you. Also YES, to everything Manda said.

Phoebe and I use the 'way of life' app. For me it was $5, but that's cos I wanted the option to customise the 'habits'. I need to start using is again. It's simple and aesthetically pleasing.

Wow almost a whole day pf!! Did you make it? Keep trying!

One PF day or almost one PF day is a lot of progress! Awesome job!!

I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!! PULL FREE DAY NUMBER ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZOMG

I celebrated by taking myself out for a delicious Thai dinner.

Then I spent two hours watching videos on Youtube, but I still didn't pull. And in my defense, it's too cold to be anywhere else except in my room under my blankets.

I had a good therapy session today also.

THANK GOD..... I don't think I've had a pull free day since freaking July. The scale of this victory must not be underestimated.

And I have my spring break next week which means I won't be as stressed out as usual which means less time on the computer which means hopefully I can rack up more PF days! : D

HOORAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! You're right, what an achievement! That is awesome, so glad you rewarded yourself. This is the start of something good.

Hurrah! So proud of you!!!! Keep at it, stay strong, you're doing it!!!!

Stay strong, You can do it!

Day 1 is huge progress!! Good that you rewarded yourself for it!

First of all, it is really easy to get up to 150 before you know it. Counting really helps put it in your face. I understand how depressing that is. I really like Way Of Life, for tracking my PF days, and getting me on track with other habits & productivity.
I suggest trying to break it down into little chunks, instead of going at the problem all at once. There are different components to this condition. I find it helps to use trigger words to remind me to stop. I'll bump my ABC's for you. I go back to them time & again.
For counting hairs, why don't you use a knitting stitch counter? I like Knit Counter (by Cordless Dog).

ooo, I will have to try those apps. Thanks Phoebe! What a big help. I will check out the ABC thread too.

Yesterday was day 3 and today is day 4! I didn't get any sleep tonight thanks to loud-ass neighbors (I think the police finally came to quiet them down, but I was so angry and tense I have not been able to fall asleep). So here's hoping that even though tomorrow I'm gonna feel soooo crap (I need at least 10 hours of sleep a night to function like a human being) I hope I can stay pull free!!!

That is a good point...it is SO easy to get to 150. I've easily pulled that many hairs in one day before on many occasions.

Day 4 is AMAZING!!!