PUT A HAT ON!! Do it. Or wet your hair. Do it.

YAY for you pf time :) Most exciting. And I'm with you, the bald spot I created at the front of my head is growing back. Not visibly but I can feel all of the tiny spiky hairs. Relief..... But I can't keep doing this, it won't always grow back. And that day might be sooner than I think..

And that paper thing sounds like hell. Boo :(

10 pages?? eeeks. Congrats on your pf success so far!!

HUGS

That's what I should have done, but couldn't because I was in the library. Oddly enough, I managed to not pull while I was in the library but as soon as I got home and turned the TV on, I started pulling out mounds of my hair. I know I shouldn't have, but I just kept at it. I didn't have the energy or the willpower to make a conscious decision to stop, it seems. So much of my hair is gone and it leaves me wondering why it is that every time I notice a bald spot's growing in, I immediately create another. I guess the false sense of security lures me in and I end up letting my guard down because I think, 'Oh, it's okay, it'll grown in soon enough,' or 'That bald spot is starting to grow back! I deserve a reward,' or 'I don't have to worry so much since it did grow in,' or any number of other such mistaken, sad thoughts.

Now my scalp is really sore, I have created another giant bald spot that can still somehow be hidden, and I feel like shit. Hate this. I should have better control over this by now. Ashamed. At least I haven't pulled my hair since last night, I suppose...

OMG TV... tv is evil. That's when i pull tons too. I totally understand how you feel. I am struggling with this so much too. BLAH. There is this one thing that SOMETIMES works when I want to pull. I tell myself that it is not normal behavior to want to pull your hair out and I stop.

Don't be ashamed. We just need to.... be on the look out. Take deeeeeep breaths.

HUGS

So after my post, I kept pulling (oops) and continued to pull throughout the day. Finally, I got so fed up with trich, myself and my self-hatred that I decided to go and get a haircut. The hairdresser knows about my trich because I had talked to her about it before, so I felt okay about going in with my bald spots. I wanted the haircut to be a fresh new start. To be honest, I'm not very happy with how it turned out. I'm not sure whether she just didn't care or didn't want to put in the effort or couldn't tell, but I had some lumps in my hair and my sides weren't equal so I had to trim that a little on my own. I'm thinking that once my hair grows out, I'll go to a different place--and only go to her when I have a relapse or something? I don't know. I don't feel like I should settle with getting bad haircuts all the time just because I have trich.

Anyways, I'm settling down to write that stupid paper now, and I have a bandanna wrapped securely around my head. I didn't want to use it and felt a curious sense of shame/stigma associated with wearing it because I had worn it so many times before when I couldn't handle my trich at all and had many visible bald spots, but at this point, I need to use anything in order to regain control. I'm determined not to pull. I can get through this paper without pulling a single strand.

I'm restarting my pull-free-a-thon as of right now. I CAN DO THIS.

Also, I feel very cheated right now. I thought my earphones were broken because I was trying to listen to music on this one computer a handful of weeks ago but only one of the earphones was working. So I just stopped using them because that drives me crazy. Then today, just for the hell of it, I plugged it into a different computer in the lab and then BOTH OF THEM WORKED. So I missed out on a ton of music listening. And I'm pretty sure that if I could have listened to music during all those times when I was at the computer, it would have helped me to not pull. Sigh.

Dear fingers. Kindly stay the fuck away from my hair. Thanks, a very flustered ME.

what?? sounds to me like she didn't do a good job. You had to trim it at home by yourself?? jeez.... Going to the hair salon always gives me anxiety.

I know all about the bandanna feelling. I used to always wear one.... so i hate even looking at bandannas.

Sorry about your earphones. Must be frustrating!! It's ok. They are working now. :)

You can do this!!! Deep breaths!!! YOU CAN YOU CAN YOU CAN!!

Yeah, I was pretty irritated with how poorly it turned out. Made me wonder why I bothered to go to the stupid hair salon...

And yes, that's exactly how I feel about bandannas, too. It worked for a while last night but then I started tugging on the only area of hair uncovered (the little bit at the sides). This always happens whenever I wear bandannas. And I have to say, I was bad and I fell for the urge. I should have been able to fight it off but I think my mind was too busy worrying about the paper to have much room for worrying about what I was doing.

Good news, though, is that I haven't pulled since last night except for one subconscious hair and a conscious one right after. At this point, that's a lot of progress so I'm going to say that today is a pull-free day if I make it through without any more hairs.

Same thing happens to me too with bandannas.
Try and try again wif your pull free. Don't know why i just spelled with "wif" HAHAHA i was texting. anyhow,
i'm glad u have been succesful so far today. HUGS

Oh that sucks. You should have complained. Don't go back! Sometimes it's worth it to spend a little more, if you can. Though if you paid good money for this woman that's even worse!

Hey good job with your most recent efforts. It's up and down for me at the moment too. x

What do I do? Help me, please! Please, guys, I need you.

What do I do with this? Over the past several weeks, I haven't been able to regain control of my pulling. I created giant bald spots that can't really be hidden. In desperation, I even tried buying Dermmatch but for some reason, it doesn't really work. I can use mascara and pin my hair in a certain way to hide a lot of it, but that's not the point---the point is that I feel like shit, my hair's a mess, and I'm back here stuck in this all-too familiar rut. Life's been super stressful recently, which I'm sure has contributed to the hair pulling, and it's not about to get any easier. I don't know what to do. For the next two months, I'll be working at an important internship where it's essential to make a good impression and garner and retain respect from employees. Then I'll be going home to see my family for the first time in half a year and they'll get to see what great progress I've made on my hair. How can just a few weeks destroy something I've worked for months on?

I feel terrible--well, I know that's how I feel but I don't actually feel anything. I just feel numb. I wish I could just cry my heart out and then feel better about it and move on, but I'm just STUCK. And nothing I've been trying lately has been working. And now I have this added stress of trying to figure out what to do with my hair and whether to talk to my family about it. I have no one to go to for any of this stuff at all. No one who can offer the kind of support, encouragement and help I need. I don't know what to do. Should I get a wig? I really don't want to go there again but maybe it'd be better to do that rather than stress about how I look every morning?

I can't believe I did this to myself again. I'm so ashamed. This is awful horrible disgusting AAARRRGGHHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. Please help :(

Hey sweetie,

dont be ashamed. I know what you are going through and you've been pull free. Just try it again.Try and try again until you are able to do it!!! We are here for you. We are in this together with you!!!

Chin up girly, you can beat this. DEEP BREATHS!! GATHER YOUR THOUGHTS!! and try again. Don't give up. Baby steps .

If it will make you feel more confident... get the wig :)

I wish I could tell you exactly what to do to feel better and stop pulling but i'm here to listen and try give sound advice!!

BIG HUG!!

Yeah listen to Alex, she's been where you are, just a couple of months ago. And she was over a year pull free before. And now she's 10 days pull free! She persisted and persisted and persisted and persisted. And I'm kinda where you are now too.... Well I'm on my way there. I"m going to persist and persist and persist because that's what WORKS. We just need to try and not consider it a failure when we pull.

Just try try try.

Don't give up.

And yes, buy a wig if you think it will help. There's another product called Toppik, I think it's pretty cheap. It contains fibers of hair, lots of people say it's really good. You can buy it at a store called Sally's. (I don't have them here in Aus.)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm definitely with you on the lots of stress that won't be going away. It's certainly tough. But we can do this.

Hey guys,

It's been a while...but I'm back! Thanks so much, both of you, for your kind, encouraging words. They really helped. It's been a while since I've been on, so I'll do a quick summary of some major events that have happened. I survived moving out from an apartment that I'd been living in for 8 years--6 years with my family, then 2 on my own. I survived roommate stress. I survived losing a really close friend. I survived coming to London for the summer program.

I did end up getting a wig for London, because I didn't want to constantly be worrying about my looks when I was already going to be stressed from my internship and job. But! Good news--I've stopped pulling! I'm not exactly sure when--it's been less than a week but it's getting there. I got really fed up with feeling like shit and picked up my "Help for Hair-Pullers" book and began working through the behavioral therapy exercises, as well as keeping a journal. I haven't pulled since. For me, it's always been easier once I got past the first few days. After moving to London, I've been wearing my wig everywhere outside and then wearing a bandanna once I'm in my flat. The fact that I live with flatmates and even share a room with one makes it hard, so my hair is never out in the open. It makes me worry that hair from my latest bald spot won't grow out as fast. What do you think?

Anyways, I'm feeling better now and although I do find myself foraging my hair sometimes when I'm wearing my bandanna (I leave my bangs uncovered because I don't want my flatmates to think I do wear a wig), I'm doing well. Not too bad urges, and besides, it's a lot more inconvenient to pull now because I'm never alone and I'm usually wigged.

So these are my updates. Thanks again for your support :)