Yes, Ollie touched my heart in a special way, I never knew him but I still cry because we have all lost him.
I believe he is with the Lord and that gives me peace.
He left a beautiful legacy of love, courage, and strength. He could actually make me laugh out loud with his humour.

Ben doesn't know of his passing,it would be too emotional for him. When it's time I'll tell him.

Ollie always said 'We have a special group here" A truer word was never spoken.
Love and hugs to you all,
Sandra (Ben and our family)

I haven't dared go on this thread for a while, because reading about Ollie and thinking about him still brought me to tears. I am just emerging from that, the way I finally did when my dear grandmother died when I was already in my 30s. I cried for weeks and dreamed about her. Eventually, I was able to think about the wonderful times we had together...when she visited me in medical school when I was in California and during my fellowship in Boston. She was one of the guys and I loved her so much, but now thinking about her makes me smile and even laugh. She was amazing. That is how I now think about Ollie. I smile when I think about him taking the Yale "Death" course on line - a course that my daughter actually took as an undergraduate and detested. Ollie loved having his mind stretched, however. He loved philosophizing and he loved putting others at ease. I will never forget him, but now I can smile through some residual tears. I know he is in Heaven, but is it selfish to say that I wanted him here on Earth a bit longer...with us? Sally must be some kind of woman to corral a guy as amazing as Ollie. May his memory live on through us.

Cliff

Cliff
I know how you feel about avoiding things especially when you are grieving.My mum died unexpectedly 10 weeks before I was diagnosed with AML. Handling my mothers death and my diagnosis and treatment was too much. I made the decision to concentrate just on getting better so I had to apologise to my mum and say "hey mum this is too hard,I cant cope with thinking of you and trying to get better so I need to put you aside". When my treatment finished about 6 months later and I was feeling better I gave myself permission to grieve. I visited her grave and cried and talked to her until I had my fill.I know my mum was looking after me.
Ollie too will be looking down and saying its ok to grieve and its ok to avoid things when they are too much to bear.
take care

Lisa

Lisa,

So beautifully said. Your love for your Mum was just too great to have to share your grief over her death with grief over your disease. I am quite certain you realize how amazingly deep your thought process was during such a trying time. You were able to compartmentalize your sadness, a skill that I have never possessed and one that will stand you in good stead as other sad things come your way, the way they come for all of us. You are so strong, so wise. As I said, I still cry for Ollie. I am actually do that now. However, I cry less and less and sometimes just like to bathe in the glow of his wisdom. That gives me great solace, just the way my recollections of my dear Mama (my grandmother) are able to do for me at age 60. I have said it many times on this site...I have never in my life experienced the collective love of the people who write here. Sometimes I think that I just don't deserve it.

Cliff