strangeseraphim

It's been 4 sundays now since I gambled.Mom comes today.Another day of testing and being strong as we always gambled together on Sundays.

I'm tired today.Still recovering and the rain just feels endless.My youngest son gave me 200 dollars and I've been struggling a little todayI won't go to the casino but the money is bothering me and...

For some reason today I have thought of the casino a few times and had urges. It's grey and went and rainy and I am bored.I do want to just lose myself in things today.My youngest son and his...

three weeks! Pay day is Wednesday. It will be another hurdle.I can't  believe I am working towards my first month.I have treated myself to some skin care productssome of my very favorite indian...

still sick with high fever and sore throat. I can't wait till I can put day 100. 

too sick to gamble even if I wanted to.fever 101.7 body aches and sore throat.Spent the day in bed nesting with books and computer watching bones and sipping  tea, chicken broth and...

It did not matter that Mom had Alzheimers and might forget. What felt good was as often as I had to, in a clear strong voice...like a mantra  saying.... I am not going to the casino anymore. I do...

Had a very intense evening last night where the floodgates opened and I shared with my husband all the things I have been going through, hiding, holding. I feel newborn this morning and raw. Home...

For the win! Huge breakthroughFirst paycheck day down and a success.Now to keep the momentum. We have workman here and found out the "weather"side of the house has rot so we are replacing the...

one day at a time.it feels good to save myself.only I can do it.I say I am not in control but I am as long as I stay away from the casinoas long as I make the commitment to being free of gambling. It...

morning of day 10 and I know I won't gamble today.I don't know about tomorrow or the next day, my mind wants to jump ahead, wondering how much money I will save, what it will feel like to be at day...

I feel good today.I have had moments in which I wonder how I will never know the things I liked about gambling again but I lived many many years without it and enough years doing it to know there are...

I cancelled my visit with mom today. I have such mixed feelings about this. I have not told my sister about my gambling problem and do not feel ready to.Mom is a trigger for me because we go...

I feel myself coming home to myself which is a beautiful feeling.I also know that one trip to the casino could blow that to smithereens but here I am beneath the rubble of that pain feeling hopeful...

Day 6 Well, what can I say. So far so good although I can feel myself coming here often, reading, leaning in and feeling like DS is my new security blanket. I am not sure if that is a good thing or...