day 7
I feel myself coming home to myself which is a beautiful feeling.
I also know that one trip to the casino could blow that to smithereens but here I am beneath the rubble of that pain feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.
Tomorrow will be hard. My mom comes. Soon I will share my story but my gambling began with me going to the casino with my 83 year old mom after my aunt died. They use to go together and I did not realized I would get hooked. She has alzheimers so it will be all me. If I tell her I can't go because I am addicted she is going to forget in 2 minutes. There have been days where she has asked the same question 50 times. I am scared for those moments of weakness.
I will do what I can. Come here as often as I can and set the day up ahead of time for other things to do.
I have no money but I do have access to money if I absolutely need it and sometimes we have taken turns treating one another.
I am nervous about it especially as that horrible shame has mostly lifted and I feel hope. That would be around the time my addict sick brain tries to convince myself I can gamble like a normal person and all the bs that goes along with that.
I also know that one trip to the casino could blow that to smithereens but here I am beneath the rubble of that pain feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.
Tomorrow will be hard. My mom comes. Soon I will share my story but my gambling began with me going to the casino with my 83 year old mom after my aunt died. They use to go together and I did not realized I would get hooked. She has alzheimers so it will be all me. If I tell her I can't go because I am addicted she is going to forget in 2 minutes. There have been days where she has asked the same question 50 times. I am scared for those moments of weakness.
I will do what I can. Come here as often as I can and set the day up ahead of time for other things to do.
I have no money but I do have access to money if I absolutely need it and sometimes we have taken turns treating one another.
I am nervous about it especially as that horrible shame has mostly lifted and I feel hope. That would be around the time my addict sick brain tries to convince myself I can gamble like a normal person and all the bs that goes along with that.
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