day 23
For some reason today I have thought of the casino a few times and had urges.
It's grey and went and rainy and I am bored.
I do want to just lose myself in things today.
My youngest son and his girlfriend split up. They were together three years and I will miss her. She was like family. I am sad about that. My youngest son self medicated with drugs his last breakup and I am scared and worried he will do that again.
I had a high school acquaintance diagnosed on feb14 with cancer and he died yesterday. I am sad about that and it reminds me how quickly we an go and how fragile life is.
My favorite brother in law injured his ribs and when they x rayed they found a shadow or nodule on his lung. It could be nothing but I am worried about the potential for it to be "something" as well.
I have many hours in my day at work when I am not feeling inspired and would love to learn some new skills or have some added responsibility. My boss is overwhelmed and it's not a good time to ask so I am sitting here feeling frustrated at work.
We are renovating and so parts of my home are in a shambles with stuff pushed into our bedroom and downstairs while we build an office (we also had the siding of our house redone and two new larger windows put into our bedroom- the framing and dry wall need to be redone. It's very hard for me to live in a mess and be patient.
I am sure that these things are adding to my desire to just sit in front of a machine and zone out.
Today I make a commitment not to Gamble.
It's grey and went and rainy and I am bored.
I do want to just lose myself in things today.
My youngest son and his girlfriend split up. They were together three years and I will miss her. She was like family. I am sad about that. My youngest son self medicated with drugs his last breakup and I am scared and worried he will do that again.
I had a high school acquaintance diagnosed on feb14 with cancer and he died yesterday. I am sad about that and it reminds me how quickly we an go and how fragile life is.
My favorite brother in law injured his ribs and when they x rayed they found a shadow or nodule on his lung. It could be nothing but I am worried about the potential for it to be "something" as well.
I have many hours in my day at work when I am not feeling inspired and would love to learn some new skills or have some added responsibility. My boss is overwhelmed and it's not a good time to ask so I am sitting here feeling frustrated at work.
We are renovating and so parts of my home are in a shambles with stuff pushed into our bedroom and downstairs while we build an office (we also had the siding of our house redone and two new larger windows put into our bedroom- the framing and dry wall need to be redone. It's very hard for me to live in a mess and be patient.
I am sure that these things are adding to my desire to just sit in front of a machine and zone out.
Today I make a commitment not to Gamble.
Replies
So proud of you Strangeseraphim. You have had alot you are dealing with. Possibly you could go out to dinner, or do something positive? I know all this snow we have been getting is really getting to me. I am so ready for spring and the newness. You recognize there is alot going on right now. You are grieving real life losses, as well as I think we grieve the loss of gambling - if that makes sense. Please be kind to yourself! You are such an inspiration!!
Hi Sabine, I can totally relate to feeling the blues. I think for me, it has allot to do with weather too. Spring is just around the corner! Try playing some music you love every day. That is a mood lifter for me. I wish you worked with me, I would find you something more meaningful to do. Maybe you could you ask your boss if they need some help so they are less overwhelmed? Then maybe you can get some work that inspires you more. Keep posting and reading here and tell yourself \"NO GAMBLING,\" you will love yourself for it! Hugs, Cher