BlackBeltKat32

I'm taking a moment to pout for what I never had with my Mom.  I have known so many people, and have seen so many journal entries/profiles, of women who had special bonds with their mothers.  I...

I brought Hoagie to the vet for his weekly bloodwork and everything seemed ok.  He even gained .3 lbs during the past week!  He was a very good boy.  Tonight he is wiped out and sleeping on the...

We went to Boston for the the weekend and it was so good to just get away for an overnight.  Hoagie had been doing fine since his first chemo treatment and even fought us tooth and nail when we gave...

I have found that it is slightly different experience to go to a wake after having experienced a major loss.  It's almost like having had an illness that will leave you vulnerable to certain things...

 ugh.  I went to an Aikido class for the first time since October and felt so bloated and out of shape.  How is it that I can kick ass at Karate and even do well on the cardio machines at the gym...

We've had a heat wave here and I've been loving it!  The weight I gained is starting to come off, the latest being a few pounds due to an intestinal virus yesterday.  It's nice to feel my pants...

I can't believe I didn't gain any more weight over the holidays...and even lost a pound.  My psychiatrist did say that Wellbutrin is an appetite supressant.  However, my appetite doesn't feel any...

I've just had the thought that I have made progress, in roundabout ways.  After my mother was critically ill the first time, in Nov 2004, I developed what seemed to be PTSD symptoms with regards to...

Had a good long cry last night and realized that I am not just grieving for my Mom, but am grieving for a lot of other losses I've had in my life.  In fact, I feel as though loss has defined my life...

We just found out the other day that Mom died from an overdose of a combination of 3 drugs.  I suspected this all along but somehow, now that we know for sure, I am falling apart.  I am so angry. ...

Here comes Thanksgiving, ready or not.  Today I am thankful for massage therapists...LOL.  I had a massage this morning from a friend who has agreed to take the Mom reins from this point forward. ...

When someone dies, you fall off the earth.  Then you find that the earth has begun to spin too quickly for you and when you do get back on, you find that people, places and things that once...

If Mom were still here with us, she would be turning 60 on Saturday.  All of the "firsts" are so difficult....first birthday (be it yours or theirs), first holiday season, first milestone.  I have...

Sarcastic detachment only gets me so far and anger is a mere foil for my deep sadness.  As usual, I miss my Mom.  When I wrote and delivered a eulogy for her memorial mass, I mentioned what I...

I think I had a sign from my mother yesterday.  One would think I'd be happy about it but I am so angry with her!  But in anticipation of the anger subsiding and appreciation of this sign, I'll...