If Mom were still here with us, she would be turning 60 on Saturday.  All of the "firsts" are so difficult....first birthday (be it yours or theirs), first holiday season, first milestone.  I have fragile hope, however, that maybe the day will be bearable.  Thanks to my dear godmother, we'll be pretty busy that day, but not too busy to honor Mom.  A local restaurant, not knowing Mom is now gone, sent a coupon for $10 off on her birthday.  So we will go to that restaurant and toast Mom.  Then we'll go to a spoken word-type event. My godmother arranged some of this well in advance, knowing the day would bring difficulty, wanting to ease the pain for us, and for herself since she was one of Mom's lifelong best friends.I have also decided to put my own twist on the day by going to one of the local bakeries that Mom loved, buying a few cookies, and then eating them by Mom's grave and talking to her....sort of having a little picnic with her spirit.  It'll be difficult but I feel like I need to do it. I've had several dreams during the past month where it seems like her spirit's around and I want so much to believe that's true.