When someone dies, you fall off the earth.  Then you find that the earth has begun to spin too quickly for you and when you do get back on, you find that people, places and things that once represented loved and familiar now represent empty and odd-fitting.I don't know where my place is in this world anymore.  So much has changed, is changing and even things that are still the same look a little skewed.  Last week, I went to visit friends in Massachusetts and on the way home from a party I attended with two of them, I wondered what the hell I was doing still living in New York State.  My mother is dead and a lot of my friends live in other states.  I find myself feeling resentful for having a job and a life here because what are they amounting to, really?  Why didn't I move away when I was younger, when I had the chance to move to California?  I feel like such a loser for staying around the city I was born in.  My sister has moved to London for two years and I so envy this opportunity she has to be somewhere neutral.  So many things here remind me of my mother and there are some days that I just can't take it. Today is one of them.  I don't know if I want to continue the relationship I'm in anymore, either.I am so depressed and tired of being tested.  I've had all I can take right now.  I don't know what will happen to me if I have to go through any more losses soon.