Sarcastic detachment only gets me so far and anger is a mere foil for my deep sadness.  As usual, I miss my Mom.  When I wrote and delivered a eulogy for her memorial mass, I mentioned what I termed the "million little  heartbreaks" associated with loss.  Tonight, it's standing outside feeling that hint of autumn in the air, remembering how she liked the change of seasons and felt bad for me when I'd get bouts of seasonal affective disorder.But I began to organize some pictures of her into one folder online and am going to create a memorial DVD in her honor.  I still can't look at pictures of her without crying and thinking what a waste.  Wondering why some people just can't get out of their own way while others persevere.  Guess I'm lucky to be one of the ones who persevere.  Even when I feel like I'm going to be physically ill from the crying, I know the sadness will change shape over time and that good things will come to me.But with the DVD...I get much satisfaction from creative efforts and will trust in my right brain to come up with something touching, at times humorous, and ultimately inspiring, something to give to her friends and family that will facilitate her living on in our hearts.