mal66
Status: Slowly fading to black...
Mood:
Ok
Offline
- "Life is a gift" - I need help in understanding why this is so..if given the choice, I would gladly opt out and give my life to someone that embraces it and won't waste it. I never asked or requested to be here; not sure why I have to be held here...
- ..doesn't seem to work for me. I end up more frustrated, angry, & upset after my sessions. I've changed therapist and although my current one shows more concern about my well-being, I don't feel it is really helping me. Talking about my feelings...
- Has anyone hated themselves so much that they clocked themselves in the head with a hammer? I have..
- Something I wrote when I was in the midst of a really deep, dark moment of self-hate & despair..taken from my journal (4/2/12):Not part of mankind, nor any kind of a man; Comparing to others, always being less than.. Lacking courage & strength to...
- I am in a constant, daily struggle for survival. There are days when I can't even will myself out of bed & literally cuss that another day is upon me! I'd rather sleep my life away - atleast in my dreams I am living while I'm living a nightmare...
- Once again, my self hate has reached epic proportions. The last time I sunk this low, I hit myself in the head with a hammer, then tried to o/d on meds; next time I may add a nail to my repertoire..Eventually I may add a bullet to the head and end...
- I have a phobia of living; it is so dehibilitating that I am not motivated to do anything except nothing. I become barely functional at work; when I come home I lounge on the couch until it's time to go to bed and repeat the process again the next...
- I survive each day, sometimes by each moment. I idealize about suicide a lot; I've even formulated a plan or two. Nothing is set in stone; my will to live is a half step ahead of wanting to suicide. I've made a couple of half-hearted attempts,...
- My spouse has made it clear that, after 15yrs, she does not want to be married to me anymore! This has been building; it's not like this came out of left field but it was still devastating to hear. I suffer from chronic, clinical depression as...
- I have a lot of self-hate, hate my life immensely and feel helpless & hopeless to do anything about it. My depression is so dehibilitating that I'm struggling to be motivated to do even simple tasks like just getting out of bed some days. My...
- I don't know how long I have here (understandably none of us do) but I believe my days are numbered...I'd like to leave surviving members some thoughts on depression, as it has applied to me. I have been enemy #1 to myself. I acknowledge that...
- I stopped talking to people about my severe depression because all they give are generalized, watered down responses: 'everyone gets depressed', 'life is a gift', 'there are so many others worse off, so get over it', etc. My ultimate wish would be...
- I grotesguely underestimated how much hard work life entails. I remember being a young kid listening to my elders speak about how hard it was to just get out of bed some days. I totally get it now! There were days where I stayed in bed under the...
- Has anyone (or do you know anyone that has) been thru this experience as part of their therapy? It's a Christian based process of emotional healing...
- I've been on a few already with no relief and plenty of side effects and even set backs starting with celexa, wellbutrin, trazadone, viibryd, effexor...some have masked my anxiety but it has come at a price: nausea, diarhea, headaches, loss of...