SeanPain

This is so horrible....last night after i started to freak out for a couple hours on end here at work i had to go home because i couldnt see straight and i was starting to throw up so i went home and...

Last night i got home and i went to the garage and had a pretty decent arm workout and then went in and played a game for the playstation move and had a hell of a cardio workout with that lol my...

I dont know...i just dont know, Throughout the day i feel so lost and alone, I havent felt like this since i was about 14 years old and just sat around and thought about getting in the ring for the...

Ok the weekend was very good to me and as a matter of fact the majority of last week was as well, But today im starting to feel the depression coming back to me........ Its a faint feeling of what...

Ok so after a random chat with a friend here on DS im feeling better ( Not good ) during the talk i had two massive panic attacks and damn near passed out from them. You know who you are and thank...

So as of this very moment i am done with trying to get any kind of real help for how i feel and the things that run through my head that i want to do to myself.I made a last minute appointment with...

I am so sick of being here-no one cares no one even knows that im still alive or that im in this much pain every single day that i wake up..Im truly ready to leave this earth and be done with...

This month is always going to be the hardest one for me to deal with because april is when we would be starting up again with wrestling and that would have been yesterday......AAAHHHHHH i hate this...

I had my appointment yesterday with the counselor to get me started on the right road to a pscyatrist and the talk was good and then he asked if he could read my journal that i took with me and as he...

So today im all alone here at work as my boss is sick and everyone else already worked there hours through the night. I hate being all alone because i get bad anxiety attacks when alot of people are...

Well today was good until i had to go and pick up prescriptions for clients here.I was driving down the road and all i could think about was what does is matter that im here? I am here for no certain...

Isnt foldgers waking me up but it is coffee from my local marathon station and its great coffee and every morning that i wake up i go there and get a 20oz cup and head into work and that first hour...

I cant stand this geez.....i try and try but every thought that crosses my mind refers back to " Shaun Painlayer " and makes me feel bad no sick to my stomach about who i am forced into being now......

So thursday i had a strong urge to go and get a journal and start making entries on a daily basis so i could have something to take with me to my doc,therapist and psyc val appointments ( Along with...

So heres todays entryToday when i woke up i felt like the usual - Sad,upset,and just mad at everything but then i got to work and was actually happy that i had a detroit pick-up so i basically hit...