AprilStar

I don't know how anymore. Why does it have to be so difficult? How do I live with the constant arguing over every decision that needs to be made? With a stubborn 6 year old and an angry teenager...

Why does it have to be so difficult? Why does it have to be so loud?I hear her screaming in my mind.  Saying I'll never escape this.  That she has the only answer.  Her answer is death.  "Just...

RoilingBoiling inside meThreatening to spill over the sidesTo make me lose all controlOf reality BreakingFalling apart at the seamsLosing my gripAnd sliding over the edgeInto...

I wrote this after my appointment with my counselor today.  It's what Sarah (the little part of me) wanted to say but couldn't.  She was too scared, so she told me.  I want to send it to my...

Had another appointment with my counselor today.  Remembered some more.  I guess I've come to accept that even though I really don't want to remember, it's something I have to do.  But I'm so...

I had an appointment with my counselor on Wednesday.  During the appointment I remembered some things about my past, things that happened to me.  It felt like I was reliving it all over again. ...

Pieces Have to hold myself togetherI can’t let goOr I will fall apartAnd shatter into a million pieces Can’t let myself feelCan’t let myself thinkOr I won’t stay togetherAnd shatter into...

Just need to get some of these thoughts out of my head before they build up too much. It had been 7 months since I last cut myself.  And then I ruined it again 2 weeks ago.  I don't want to give...

Well, I got back from the hospital today.  I ended up there Wednesday evening after my appointment with my counselor.  So I was there almost a week this time.  My psychiatrist finally gave me a...

A sharp blade Slicing through her skin Drawing a crimson line Bringing her closer   Again and again Cuts getting deeper Her desire to die Leading her nearer   Blood pooling around Her...

I don't know what to do anymore.  I'm so tired of all of this.  It seems like I've been here so long, in this dark hole, and there's no way out.  There never will be.  Will I be forced to live...

Met with my counselor today.  It was difficult, expecially getting myself to tell her that I don't think I can keep myself safe.  But I did.  I was scared she was going to send me to the hospital...

I feel like I'm just saying the same things over and over again, but how much longer can this go on?  How much more until I finally give in?  How much more do I have to endure?  I can't fight this...

Why am I still here?  Why have I not yet given in to death?  I want to, so badly, but something is stopping me and I don't know what it is.  I don't understand.  I'm just so tired of this all. ...

Another rough day.  Will there ever be any good?  It's just getting more and more hopeless.  Had an appointment with my counselor today.  That was difficult.  Why does getting help have to hurt...