Why am I still here?  Why have I not yet given in to death?  I want to, so badly, but something is stopping me and I don't know what it is.  I don't understand.  I'm just so tired of this all.  I can't fight these thoughts anymore.  Why can't I just die?  Maybe soon.  Maybe whatever is stopping me will go away and leave me to die in peace.  I just want it all to be over.  I can't do this anymore.  I want out.  Please . . .