Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
Hello everyone, my name is David and I am a compulsive liar.
Lying has become so engrained in me that I am able to quickly and easily make up lies like it's a natural reflex. Every since I was young, I have lied in one form or another, whether it was to be able to go out and play with my friends after school or saying I enjoyed things when I really didn't just to please the people around me. Fast forward 30 years and I'm still lying.
About six months ago, I met a woman, who in my eyes is, THE WOMAN. I am going to take a moment and quote Sherlock Homes and say, "In his eyes she eclipses and predominates the whole of her sex." To me, the woman that I met and started dating is the soul mate I have been searching for. I fell very deeply in love with her and I still feel the same this very moment. Slowly, but surely I came to lie to her in one way or another, like telling her I'd be at her house in 10 minutes when I just left my house, which is 20 minutes away or that I promised to do something for her, but I never did.
After she caught me lying, I promised I would fix it and stop lying to her. I would truly put forth my best effort and it would last days or weeks until the next time I lied. Each time our relationship became more strained and the wall between us became higher and higher. This last weekend, everything exploded when she found out the secret I had desperately kept from her.
Early in our relationship, my ex-girlfriend had contacted me and I told her I was seeing someone and that she should not contact me anymore. I was at lunch with my girlfriend when my ex called again. Instead of telling my girlfriend at first, I just said it's nobody, but finally told her later. I should have ignored my ex but instead I just contacted her to see what she wanted. She demanded to meet my girlfriend or she would raise all sorts of He** in an effort to find her. I got scared and panicked. At this point in our relationship I thought that it would be best to deal with the situation in secret then hide it. I contacted one of my close female friends and told her about the situation and she told me that I was being a complete jerk and that I need to tell my girlfriend. Realizing I would not get help from her or any of my other close female friends, I hired a someone on the internet to pretend to be my girlfriend. Yes, I really did stoop that low to keep myself from having to tell my girlfriend.
So at the moment, my girlfriend and I are on a break. I have finally been able to admit to her that I am a compulsive liar and that I cannot fight/fix this alone. Yesterday, we met with a psychologist who specializes in behaviors and I am working to understand my problem and find a support group (hence why I am here). Today, we met with a therapist, who is an LMFT (Licensed Marriage Family Therapist) and felt that this would help us work on our relationship. At this point she has absolute no trust in me and questions everything I say, whether it is the truth or not. I have also scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist to look at my problem from a bio-chemical perspective. I don't know what we'll find but I am a bit nervous about it.
My girlfriend has been extremely supportive and understanding and has given me more chances than I deserve. Lying has destroyed our relationship and it's no one's fault but mine. I am a compulsive liar and I need help. Thank you to everyone here.
To be continued...
Lying has become so engrained in me that I am able to quickly and easily make up lies like it's a natural reflex. Every since I was young, I have lied in one form or another, whether it was to be able to go out and play with my friends after school or saying I enjoyed things when I really didn't just to please the people around me. Fast forward 30 years and I'm still lying.
About six months ago, I met a woman, who in my eyes is, THE WOMAN. I am going to take a moment and quote Sherlock Homes and say, "In his eyes she eclipses and predominates the whole of her sex." To me, the woman that I met and started dating is the soul mate I have been searching for. I fell very deeply in love with her and I still feel the same this very moment. Slowly, but surely I came to lie to her in one way or another, like telling her I'd be at her house in 10 minutes when I just left my house, which is 20 minutes away or that I promised to do something for her, but I never did.
After she caught me lying, I promised I would fix it and stop lying to her. I would truly put forth my best effort and it would last days or weeks until the next time I lied. Each time our relationship became more strained and the wall between us became higher and higher. This last weekend, everything exploded when she found out the secret I had desperately kept from her.
Early in our relationship, my ex-girlfriend had contacted me and I told her I was seeing someone and that she should not contact me anymore. I was at lunch with my girlfriend when my ex called again. Instead of telling my girlfriend at first, I just said it's nobody, but finally told her later. I should have ignored my ex but instead I just contacted her to see what she wanted. She demanded to meet my girlfriend or she would raise all sorts of He** in an effort to find her. I got scared and panicked. At this point in our relationship I thought that it would be best to deal with the situation in secret then hide it. I contacted one of my close female friends and told her about the situation and she told me that I was being a complete jerk and that I need to tell my girlfriend. Realizing I would not get help from her or any of my other close female friends, I hired a someone on the internet to pretend to be my girlfriend. Yes, I really did stoop that low to keep myself from having to tell my girlfriend.
So at the moment, my girlfriend and I are on a break. I have finally been able to admit to her that I am a compulsive liar and that I cannot fight/fix this alone. Yesterday, we met with a psychologist who specializes in behaviors and I am working to understand my problem and find a support group (hence why I am here). Today, we met with a therapist, who is an LMFT (Licensed Marriage Family Therapist) and felt that this would help us work on our relationship. At this point she has absolute no trust in me and questions everything I say, whether it is the truth or not. I have also scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist to look at my problem from a bio-chemical perspective. I don't know what we'll find but I am a bit nervous about it.
My girlfriend has been extremely supportive and understanding and has given me more chances than I deserve. Lying has destroyed our relationship and it's no one's fault but mine. I am a compulsive liar and I need help. Thank you to everyone here.
To be continued...
today is my 7th day of being honest.
i wanted to come on here to post some thoughts that were helpful to me. I read this online from someone who conquered his lying addiction:
Live as if lying later is not an option. It's actually incredibly freeing, and I am one of the most trustworthy people my family, friends, coworkers know. I just got into the habit of telling the truth and stuck with it.
another good thing that i have heard about is dont do anythign that you would be tempted to lie about later. you cant have your cake and eat it too.
today is day 19 of bein honest for me
today is day 33 of honesty for me! more than a month!
Lying feels great when you do it and it produces an immediate positive result, but it always comes out in the end causing much greater hurt, pain, loss, anxiety, embarrassment - all the things I try to avoid in the first place. I know this. Even in my new relationship - which matters desperately to me - I have screwed up more than one "last chance" to perform the simple and reasonable task of simply telling the truth. Completely. Always......WHY??? How would that be so difficult?
For the first time in my life I realise how serious this problem is for me, and how much I want to make a change. I will be going at it one day at a time, focussing on the problem every morning, talking time before ever I open my mouth or put pen to paper to pass everything through a bullshit alert, keeping a careful journal to record progress. I will be in counselling. I will do this for myself as well as others.
Any help and support out there would be appreciated. I understand this is like any other addiction and not easily beaten. But I will not lose my life or my love out of my own self destructive stupidity. Day 1.....
you have a good plan. stay focused to it throughout the day and thats all you have to do. wake up, make it to the end of the day following through on what you have to do, rinse repeat and you will be fine. you can do this! hold yourself accountable. its ok to mess up but that means you have to start over. focus on consistency and slowing your mind down. meditation and prayer help with that. let us know how you are doing. good luck!
it happened because of a couple nights ago. i went out to dinner with my mom, who in the past hasnt supported my relationship with my fiancee. we have since worked it out (mostly). additionally whenever i go out without my fiancee, i have to take pictures of everywhere i go. this helps her to feel secure that im not lying about where i am or doing anything illicit, and that i am exactly where i am supposed to be.
i met my mom at the restaurant near her apartment, we had a nice dinner. i took pictures of myself outside the restaurant and at the dinner table with my mom, to show that i was just having dinner with my mom and nobody else was there. when we were leaving the restaurant (and i didnt let my fiancee know we were leaving -- first mistake), i walked my mom back to her apartment, when she asked me to help her carry up a heavy bag of laundry that the doorman was holding for her. i obliged (without letting my fiancee know that i was doing something she didn't know i was doing), took it upstairs and dropped it inside the apartment (without taking a picture of where i was to prove thats where i was and when i got there), and only when i was leaving i called her and let her know that i had taken this detour.
out of context this doesnt seem like a big deal. it wouldnt be except with trust issues and a long history of my knowing better. my fiancee, in her extreme hurt, believes that i am hiding something here, and maybe i was with another woman. the truth is that i made a mistake and disregarded conversations we have had previously, and told myself that going up to my mom's apartment for less than 5 minutes wasn't worth letting her know. goin anywhere, even for 2 seconds to use an ATM, needs a picture taken. somethin we have talked about though. i have been so good for the past few weeks and i let it all slip because of a moment of stupidity. and the worst part is that she cant trust that its just me being stupid. my stupidity to her looks like a dark shadow, and i look incredibly shady.
midway through this post, my fiancee wanted to talk, and she said that she overreacted, but that she doesnt know what to do with these feelings. she loves me so much but she is so hurt. she put back on her ring thankfully and we are ok. now i have to figure out a way to make it up to her, to make up for making her feel like our relationship wasnt secure.