Hepatitis C Support Group
Hepatitis C is a blood-borne viral disease which can cause liver inflammation, fibrosis, cirrhosis and liver cancer. The hepatitis C virus (HCV) is spread by blood-to-blood contact with an infected person's blood. Many people with HCV infection have no symptoms and are unaware of the need to seek treatment. Hepatitis C infects an estimated 150-200 million people worldwide.
The female golfer came in from her round on the course. The golf pro asked her how she did.
"Terrible. I got stung by a wasp!"
"Where'd it sting you?"
"Between the first and second hole."
"Well I can tell you right off, your stance is too wide."
"Terrible. I got stung by a wasp!"
"Where'd it sting you?"
"Between the first and second hole."
"Well I can tell you right off, your stance is too wide."
Baby seal says: "Anything but Canadian Club"
(I forget the punch line actually)
Senior bush goes in first , God sentence him to 28 needle pokes.
Now it Bill Clinton turn and God sentence him to 347 needle pokes.
George Bush meets God and he got sentenced to 712 needle pokes. Obama walks in..and on the way out he is laughing so hard he barely can walk. Bill Clinton turns to him and asked ... "what are you laughing about so hard George?
Bush goes ... " They have just put Barack under the sewing machine"....
"It's Christmas Eve"
Not sure why, it was ground this morning.
A man goes to his seat on an airplane and finds a parrot in the seat next to him. Once in the air, the stewardess comes by, and when the man asks her for a coffee, the parrot squawks, "And get me a whiskey, you cow!"
The flustered stewardess brings back a whiskey for the parrot, but forgets the coffee. When the man points this out, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells, "And get me another whiskey, you cow!"
The upset stewardess returns shortly with a whiskey for the parrot, but still no coffee. The man decides to try the parrot's approach: "I've asked you twice for a coffee, cow, now go and get it!"
Two burly stewards grab the man and the parrot, take them to the emergency exit and throw them out. As they eject from the plane, the parrot turns to the man and says, "You know, for someone who can't fly, you're a mouthy S.O.B.!"
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today."
"Are you light-headed?"
"I used to be. But now I'm a brunette."
I came back with an old milk jug full of water.
Is that wrong?
"Bear mauled guy say's: where's that pretty girl I'm supposed to wrestle?"
or
"Did you really think I would ask for a 9 inch pianist??"
Sure enough, all the signs were there.
But it was no match for kickboxing.
He got a little behind in his orders.
Boobee
Man, that call is gonna cost me an arm and a leg.
Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: They use FOWL language.
Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
A: It had 24 carrots.
Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it?
A: Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Q: Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
A: Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A: Their AGE!
Q: Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down?
A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: "If your father could see you now, hed turn over in his gravy!"
Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A: If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Q: What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey?
A: We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
Q: If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want?
A: It simply wants to run away.
Q: What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
A: God save the kin.
Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside
Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play
Q: What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY Q:
What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A: Boy! I'm stuffed!
Q: What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow escape
Q: What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
A: To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.
Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!
Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
Q: What key has legs and can't open doors?
A: A Turkey.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off!