One evening a family drops their frail, elderly mother off at a nursing home, promising they'll come to see her the next day. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses rush over and catch her, then straighten her up in the chair. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more put her back upright. This goes on all morning until her family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.

They ask her, "So, Mom, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

LOL OoorreebOOO ! and in keeping with the fart theme....

An aristocratic woman is sitting in a restaurant, having just finished her foie gras. As she leans over to reach into her purse for her purse, she farts so loud that everyone turn towards her table. Hoping to blame the blast on the waiter, she sits up with an air of indignation on her face and shouts: "Stop it!" To which the waiter replies, "Of course madam, which way did it go?"

I have one of those "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper stickers, and nobody ever honked.

To fix that, now I slam on my brakes so the car behind me can better read my sticker. And it works -- they almost always honk now.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, I twisted, I gyrated, I jumped up and down, and I perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Sad news today in the entertainment world. Larry LaPrise, who wrote the song and dance classic 'The Hokey Pokey' is dead at 93.

His funeral was going well until they tried to transfer Larry to his coffin. See, first they put his left foot in.... then they pulled it out.... then they put it back in again....

Whatever made you do it, it was a sweet gesture, not dumb. ($40 is a lot for popcorn tho).

http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/blinf.gif

Even better. Way to be. Enjoy yours, when you get it. I know they will enjoy & appreciate theirs when they get it.

Here's a bad joke I just read on the internets...

"...God & His universe are so vast; and He knows each of us by name..." .

If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic. If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?

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A Fable




A fable...the fly in the barn

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground.

As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor.

Dead.

The moral to the story is:

Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shit.

Not sure what that was all about. Have you started drinking again?

Well, although it was incomprehensible to me it sure beats your earlier posts when you posted things like "god doesn't approve of gays' or when you posted hateful racist videos by a woman who claims all Muslims are barbarians that you found "interesting".

I've met many alcoholics and addicts that I've adored, some right here on ds...never had any fondness for bigots though....

Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot.

Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there.

Wonder Woman shouts out: "What the hell was that?"

The invisible man says, "I don't know but, damn, is my ass sore."

Not sure how that all happened either....
and I'm not fond of bigots either, or mean people and hateful misinterpretation.
Why not just cool it and be nice.

Against my better judgment, Ill take the bait.
Can you please qualify what you meant by hateful misinterpretation?
I have not interpreted anything. That bit about god doesnt approve of gays were your words- verbatim. And the video you posted about the grave danger Muslims pose to our educational system and how they are all barbarians spoke for itself. It didnt require my interpretation and I didnt offer it.

To be fair, I have posted things here that I probably shouldnt have. And Ive posted things that I thought may have been inappropriate and have apologized for them but I have ALWAYS taken responsibility for my words.

Anyway, maybe its something for you to think about. Maybe not. Its irrelevant to me.

I think Im done with this discoursemostly because I find the interaction pointless and boring.

Peace.

the video posted by a former muslim woman, which was emailed to me by someone, during the height of treatment, did sound ominous to me at the time, about what is being done in our schools. Having brain fog then, and now, I can't remember the specifics, but I have nothing against muslims - or gays for that matter. It's the muslims that are out to hurt Americans & Jews that scare me.