The Pope called an urgent special meeting for all the Cardinals, Bishops, and Priests.

Speaking before a packed assembly in the Vatican, and to CCTV cameras that spread the message all over the world, the Pope looked straight ahead and said:

"I have good news and bad news. I heard last night directly from the Angel of God that the second coming of Christ will be next Friday."

"That is wonderful news," cried one of the Bishops. "It proves the Church's holy doctrine!"

"Yes, yes," replied the Pope.

"Well then, what could possibly be the bad news?"

"He's coming to Salt Lake City."

Lol U cRaZY!

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

A guy goes to a bar, but the bouncer won't let him in. "All men must wear ties."

Pissed because he's supposed to meet some buddies there, the guy goes to his car looking for a tie. Rummaging around in his trunk he spots a pair of jumper cables. He wraps them around his neck and ties a reasonable half windsor.

Proudly, he walks up to the bouncer. "OK guy, I'm gonna let you in. But you'd better not try to start anything!"

An East Texas lad was in the backseat with his sweetie, and things were getting very intense.

Finally she whispered in his ear: "Billy, I want you to kiss me where it's hot and sticky."

So he drove her to Beaumont.

I don't usually laff at jokes - but you guys are hilarious!

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by looking at her hands.

For example; if she is holding a gun, she might be angry at you.

What would you eat if you were watching a scary movie?

I scream

what kind of tree would have the best bark

dog wood

what animal has the best sense of time?

Watch dog

What's a rabbit's favorite kind of music?

hip hop



(popsicle stick humor)

What has 6 legs and a cunt on the middle of its back?


A Police horse.


Haha...thought this was fucking hilarous.

Was that on a popsicle stick too?

Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad mentioned that if he so much as hinted anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The new mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes." "Can he see?" asked Little Johnny. "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be in trouble if he needed glasses!"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh! The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: The driver just insulted me! The man says: You go right up there and tell him off go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.

The Hawk and the Field Mouse
One day a field mouse was doing his mouse thing when he was spotted by a high flying hawk. The hawk swooped down and grabbed the mouse and swallowed him whole. So the mouse went down through the hawks stomach and through his intestines until he came to the. hawks hind end. So the mouse pulled open the hawks butt and looked out and saw they were way high up in the air. He shouted to the hawk, "Hey hawk, where are we going?" The hawk said, "Up about 2000 feet." The mouse shouted back, "You wouldn't s**t me would you?!?