Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

LMAO Becky!!! I heard that joke years ago
and forgot about it!!! And you tell it so well!!

Good one OOOORRRREEEEBOOOO. I laughed out loud.

I just noticed this thread's title. That explains it. My joke certainly didn't belong here.

I didn't mean to imply that none of these was funny. Some were but some were either totally over my head (possible but unlikely) or intentionally awful in keeping with the 'bad joke' theme (or perhaps I'm giving some too much credit...)

No matter...as you were..

The Army platoon had been on field maneuvers for two weeks straight, living in tents and out of their backpacks. They had begun to smell particularly bad in the hot August sun.

The First Sergeant lined them all up for inspection one morning and walked up and down the ranks, saying loudly:

"Men, I've got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is that you'll all going to get a change of underwear!"

There was much cheering and applauding among the men until the Sergeant said, reading from his clipboard:

"The bad news is:"
"Smith, you change with Malinowski"
"Jennings, you change with Broussard"
"Taggert, you change with Derkins"

A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you."

So I didn't.

Healthcare in the United States.

I lost my job today at the Psychic Help Line.

I did not see that coming.

Whats white, sticky and moves across the sky at a thousand miles an hour?

The coming of the Lord

I bought one of those Duracell Battery bunnies in the store the other day. But I accidentally put the batteries in backwards.

That little sucker just kept coming, and coming, and coming...

Oops, it was the Energizer Bunny!

Reminder to self, do not post before 1st cup of coffee.

There was a tragic incident yesterday at the circus. The ringmaster was run over by a miniature firetruck carrying the world's fattest man, the lobster boy and the bearded lady.

Police are calling it a freak accident.

BAR... ALLIGATOR

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."

The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

A tired and thirsty biker pulls into a bar on the side of the road and parks his bike. He steps inside, sits at the counter and orders a beer.

Sipping it slowly, his eyes adjust to the light as he looks around the room. On a small blackboard next to the kitchen door hangs a sign:

Cheeseburgers $4.75
Tuna Sandwich $3.50
Handjob $10.00

He ponders this a moment, then eyes the bartender. She still moves like the dancer she once was, but the heavy makeup cant hide the wear and tear from years of hard partying.

Say he says pointing at the sign are you the one who gives the handjobs?

Why yes she says, sliding up next to him.

Then go wash your fucking hands, cause Ill be wanting a cheeseburger.