Btw... one last comment about "not into you anymore". My X is disabled, severely overweight and an alcoholic. If anyone shouldn't have been into someone anymore, that was me.... and yet I LOVED him with all my heart and will until the day I die.

I loved my ex. He's a person (I guess) and we had history. Some good, some bad. I was no longer interested in him in a romantic way.

New Again - for your next relationship (or maybe a new attempt at the old one). Figure out why the romance disappeared... were you both stressed? money problems? too many responsibilities? Like exercise to take care of yourself, relationships need time to take care of them too.... sitting watching the stars at the end of the day, campfires, slow dancing in the living room. We had that.

Our problem was complex, but basically, he began to lie to me to cover up his addiction that was back after the 3rd rehab. When I began to feel the pinch of the cost of it, I gave him an ultimatum - Fix it or we're going to have to be done.... so he borrowed from our son ($1,000) to hide it, he stole my things (an antique coin collection I had from my childhood, my tools, my money). When I started to see it and complained, his response was to throw things at me... he actually told me once that throwing things at me was because I was getting too close to the truth. After the assault where he was arrested, I discovered he was planning more.... he'd been trying to find ways to kill me (I discovered it in the cupboard - it's amazing I didn't become VERY ill before this). I had to let go.... my life depended on it. Still, he was my soulmate. {{HUGS}}

You are right, it is his cop-out...

Being in love is like the camp fire that burns until there is no more wood. When the wood is gone, so is the passion, the "in love with you" emotion, and this is when life starts: you have to stand up, clean up the area, put more wood, light the fire, so it keeps on burning.

In other words: we all want to be "in love" and keep the feeling, the passion, the sweat in our hands, the heat. For that, we need to also have a partner willing to work on the constant need to keep the feeling alive.

This is hard work: in every relationship you find the giver and the taker. Rarely you find both in each. At some point the giver will get tired, the taker will want more, and everything will crumble.

There is no right or wrong formula. We have seen friends fall in and out of love. We have seen marriages that lasted a long time for all sorts of reasons other then love (financial stability, religious belief, psychological needs, etc.)

I am yet to see the formula that keeps 2 people together for a lifetime just because they are "in love" with each other. I know they exist, I just have not met them yet.

I fell out of love with my husband, and the reality of it doesnt resemble anything you guys are describing

Thank you to all who have replied today for me. I can not tell you all how much this means to me to have people to talk too. I am so so sad and lonely right now. I dont know what to do about fathers day on Sunday. Do I stay here while he is here with the kids? They are cooking him dinner. And they are so excited about doing it, well they were. I dont know what to do.

Sorry this is happening to you all....too......I thought it was just me....I think you could have knocked me over with a feather when my X and I started having problems and he told me that....I mean I felt like I had been run over by a bus....This is the place you need to be....I have been away a couple of weeks...(had computer issues) but back now for the support....lord knows I need it...

@ CMondo: that was a great comment that you posted. very well said. thanks.

@ Faithful777 - thank you so much for your kind words. When we stop thinking "why me? why this is happening to me" and step back to review the moment and the red flags that happened before when we refused to notice them, we realize that we knew already that something was not right in our gut.

More often then not the choice of putting blind folds to avoid any pain is common ground. There is too much going on outside the love arena that makes it easy to "leave it for later" like problems at work, the young child is sick, my friend, my brother, my sister, my neighbor, may cat, my dog have a problem. Their problems are easier to deal with then dealing with our own.

That is the moment, when we first see the change, that we know we should have asked: "what is wrong?"

in my experience we did ask whats wrong, and we went to counselling

sometimes relationships just run their course, or they change
and its beyond anyone's control

but again, that was just MY experience

For us, I saw no warning signs. He still bought things for me, still did things for me. We still made love..stuff like that. It was like one day he wakes up and says, I need a break, we are seperating. I dont love you anymore. There is something going on with him. He and his dad dont talk now either. That happened before he decided to leave me. I really dont know why they are not talking. I feel like a mac truck hit me right in the face and gut. My kids are at a loss. My nine year old daughter said how can daddy love you one day (she hears him say it all the time) and now he says he dont. nice huh. I still say it to him though, or I did. And his responce is I know you do. He turned off like a light switch. I just dont know.

He's with someone else. I can guarentee it. That's one reason he is avoiding his dad too. Out of shame.

I agree 100% with the above comment: "He's with someone else. I can guarentee it. That's one reason he is avoiding his dad too. Out of shame."

This is all typical of a book I tout all the time on here: The Script: The 100% Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat. Go to amazon.com and order yourself a copy TODAY. It will provide you with LOTS of answers to questions you haven't had time to form in your head yet. It will also give you some important things to do RIGHT NOW in order to protect your financial future, since it looks like you two are headed to divorce.

It really stinks to be on the receiving end of such devastation. Trust me, it's been almost 7 years since I had my heart served to me on a platter by the man I spent 30 years of my life with. Jerk!

Today, I am a much better person and this New Life is 1,000 times BETTER than that old one ever was -- even on its best day. Yours will be, too. It just takes time to allow the new reality to sink in.

Holding you in my thoughts and prayers.

Coward can't even be honest, and leaves you feeling like YOU'RE going crazy. Nice. Ugh.