Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Those are the words that were said to me. I dont understand why he said them. All I know is I hurt so so deeply and my children are hurt as well. We have/had the perfect marriage. Rock strong is what we always said. I am so lost and hurt right now. We will be married 10 years on the 24th of June. I honestly thought that everything was great. He has said that he feel out of love with after two years of being together with me. Why all of the sudden is this coming out? He says he cares for me, loves me for me and for being the mother to our daughter. But hes not in love with me. All I know is I want him back. He is my Superman. He is a giver and tends to give to much of his time to others. He is a workaholic. Always finding small side jobs for the extra income. I feel he has forgotten his family and needs to find us again. He has moved out for the third time since mothers day. He has never gone to far from me. Im not a stalker so im not going by the house he is staying at. Im not calling him all the time. Today is the first day I have not texted him. He keeps telling me im pushing him away. HELP me please. I want my husband back.
One of lifes unfortunate paradox's - the only way you have a chance at him coming back is to let him go. And there's no guarantee he will.
Time spent trying to get him back shold be spent on building yourself up.
That's the only way to turn it around in my opinion.
he, along with lots of people, are mistaken to believe that the in love with you highs of infatuation are supposed to last their whole lives. love does not work that way. otherwise, couples would never get anything done. they would always be in the high of the honeymoon phase.
when someone says "i love you but i am not in love with you," they are saying that their love did not deepen naturally like love is supposed to. they love the first phase of love and yearn to just stay on that level. the relationship moved on and they stood still.
his job is to run to catch up with reality, you, and the relationship. or, bail out and start all over again.
but, that is his problem. what he does, you cannot control. stick to your game plan. live your life. love your kids. hang with family and friends.
don't let him trick you into being friends if he leaves. slam the door. do not accept the demotion. all or nothing.
Prissy
I am coming to the understanding that some people can lead sort of a double life, in which their true feelings are hidden from others, and maybe even themselves. Because that is so antithetical to the way I operate, it is very hard for me to comprehend.
But even though I don't really understand it, I know I just need to accept the reality, focus on taking care of myself and move on from here. What I can say is, it does get better with time.
When he said that to me, the TRUTH was, he wanted to feel young again... wanted to be head over heals in those feelings in the beginning that made him feel special - Made him feel wanted and taken care of. And responsibility, commitment, and trust didn't make him feel special. God forbid that I actually expected him to be a grown up (sorry about the bitterness, but YOU know what I mean)...
What was missing in his life that caused this? I don't know... only he can answer that. But honestly, the true love I felt... the deep down, forever faithful love that was so much more amazing than being IN love?... I'll save it for someone more worthy.
then, they meet someone new, they spin their story of how they fell out of love so bailed out. that new person, if they know what is good for them, will run for the hills knowing that they will bail out on them too.
And I love what you said about saving the deep, forever true love for someone more worthy...I need to remember that too. That is good for all of us here who have been though this to remember!
Mine thinks the 20 year old daughter of the owner of the place he's living in is hot for him (he's almost 50 and she looks at him like her father). What he doesn't realize is 1. he's not young anymore and 2. she's gonna grow old just like everyone else. Karma is that I'll be able to watch this from the sidelines. (evil grin)
The best advice I can give you is to give him space and go no contact. If you have children together, discuss only the kids. It's hard at first, but it does allow for healing and keeps your head a little clearer.
I am so sorry you find yourself here. Sending hugs for peace.
I'm sorry.
Those words mean that he wasn't willing to grow up, and work at the relationship. He was lucky to be with her... just too dumb to realize it. She's better off moving on herself and finding someone worth it.