Sam, you are just fine. Don't kick yourself. It is so much harder when you are not in familiar surroundings. You have more drive than many of us, and I know you can get back on track. HUGS

Argh Mrs K I thought that I replied to your message a couple of days ago. Mustn't have worked. Where abouts are you again?

Thanks so much accepting. I'll try the kind words. The thing is, I'm just being lazy, and that's why I'm disappointed in myself. It's not THAT hard to stop myself, I'm just pulling cos I want to and I don't care to stop myself. Hehe, yes my trip is awesome, I have been planning it for YEARS! Only a few weeks left though :(

Phoebe, thanks. Really. I agree, I do have a lot of drive.. but I just need to work to keep it alive.

So everyone, I've been pulling a little the past 3 days (including today). Not heaps, though last night maybe about 15. I was disgusted when I saw some loose hairs on my pillow. I've noticed that if I pull a few, that's enough to bring my awareness down. Isn't that crazy!? So I'm more likely to pull without noticing. It's not like back to square one, but it's definitely back SEVERAL steps. I won't pull for the rest of today, I won't.

1. It's not worth it (I like my hair WAY more than I like pulling)
2. I know that the longer I don't pull, the easier it gets
3. I have to do this, because I know if I can make it to a few years pull free it's just going to get so much easier (but little steps!)

I will not pull for the rest of today.

Ok, I'm going to try to comment on some of your posts now, I'm leaving for a big drive up to northern England soon but I have a little time. I'll get to the rest of you later.

yay - wave to me when you go through the midlands!!

Am going to be near La Rochelle.

Can't wait!!

How did your day go? Hope things went well! Rest assured, you are doing a great job. I like your list of reasons to keep going. All sooooo true! The fact that you are catching yourself and taking steps to keep things in check is awesome. It is so easy just to let yourself go and you are not letting that happen. Keep trucking! You are doing a great job!

Keep up the fight, dear girl. I was a moderate puller for years, telling myself that I wasn't causing too much damage. Problem is, you never know when the scales are going to tip. Remember how far you have come.

xo

I’m just like you, I’m hard on myself when I know I could have done better, but I just didn’t feel like trying enough.. But I agree with everyone here, it’s hard doing this when you’re away from home for so long, so considering the circumstances you’re really doing fabulous (you’re doing fabulous anyway though :p )
Keep on going, you can do this!!

It’s amazing to read you’re visiting all these countries here, enjoy! :)

Thank you so much for your encouraging and supportive comments. I don't deserve them!

I've been BAD. And. Have no one to blame but myself. Yes yes I understand I have trichitillomania, the compulsion to pullmy hair out. But I also know I don't HAVE to pull. I just want to. Instead I can take several deep breaths. I can write about it. I can think rationally about it. So me being bad IS my fault. I was disgusted with the hairs I had to pick off my jumper last night. No. More. I can DO THIS.

Zero hairs pulled today, it's 11.14am. But like I mentioned the other day, when I've pulled a few, my guards are lowered and I'm much more likely to pull a hair subconsciously. Whereas when I was 7 months free, there was almost no chance of that happening. So I have to be extra careful. Will write pf on my hand to remind me. I need some noisy bracelets. I can DO this but I gotta remember it's a day by day battle and not focus on big goals. I have to remember it's hard, but others are going through this with me and I have to be strong, even if it really doesnt make sense at the time.

Ha thanks for reading my pep talk. Xxx

You are right its day by day. Keep those hands busy busy busy. Make sure you stay with people around too and that they know to remind you to keep hands down. Can you wear a nice headband? I have some gorgeous ones that I wear to keep my hair tidy and it works as a little barrier too. some days I get close to pulling and I have to speak to myself - keep tough hunny.

How is the trip? when are you back home and wear are you now? xxx

Thanks mrs k :) good tips. Not sure how a hair band would look but I'll try a few things.

Trip's going good still, in england. not as exciting as Europe, mostly because of visiting so much family. So we're in the uk for 3 weeks all up. Bf and I stayed with my aunt in London for a week, and during that we traveled with my aunt up to Bradford to visit some family. And now we're in the country just outside of London visiting more family. Then Monday morning we go to stay with bf's uncle in York for a bit over a week, and we're hiring a car there to drive around and visit other family members who live around northern England. We're also meeting up with a friend from Australia, and also some other friends of bf. Then in our final week we're perhaps visiting some more of my family in Yorkshire, then heading back to London for a few days with my aunt before flying back home. We fly back in 2 weeks.

Hmm not minding going home, but that's only cause summer is over here in Europe/uk. And beginning in Australia. Simultaneously dreading work and looking forward to it. I have to work on my design portfolio, work on/ create a new illustration portfolio, complete some freelance projects already organized, get a job, and also get to work on creating some kids books with bf! Ah yes I must prioritise.

Anyway enough babbling..

Those first days are hell to get through, but use your barriers and maybe ask your boyfriend to help you a bit. You can do this girl, you’re not alone. :)

Wow, you won’t be bored when you get back home, lots of work to keep you busy. Enjoy your last weeks of infinite freedom!

I have family in south-western England. Bexhill-on-Sea.

Enjoy the rest of your trip. You sound excited about going home. It's all good. Once home, you can get into your routine again & the PF will be easier. Keep giving yourself pep-talks. You sound good. xo

Thanks Phoebe! Hmm I'll be happy when I have a proper routine, living in one house and working one job. My life is rather unroutine. Maybe I can fix that. A schedule!

Drumroll...,... At the end of day one pull free! Don't mind if I do feel pleased. Bring on day 2! Eep, gotta stay on my guard.

Its blooming freezing here in UK!!!! where in country are you? I used to live in surrey!

Am enjoying lots of comfort food like pies etc. By the way if you are anywhere near manchester go to slatterys for the best patiesserie not in france!

Yeah it's cold! Apparently winds blowing from the arctic this week.

Hmm if I'm in Manchester I'll look it up!

I was in buckinghamshire, half an hr from London, but ticks all the boxes of being the country. Beautiful. Now I'm on the train up to York. 15 mins if free wifi, booyah!

1 whole day pull free :)

Hurrah for you to do just a few! Congratulations on the work when you get back home! It's fun traveling through England! While we were there for three years on overseas tour, we traveled almost every weekend to different places.
With the pulls, I agree with everyone. Yes, it counts as a pull for that hair. Not for the whole scalp. Stopping at any point is a success dealing with trich. Yes, we want to be pull-free, and getting to that point is a measure of integrity for each of us.
Enjoy the trip, enjoy the pleasures of different barriers, and definitely the weather changes.
Know we are here with you!
You are strong, you can do this!