I'm at day one again too.
Don't give up dear Sam, you can do this! One of these days will be the last day one, I can feel it!!

Thank you so much mrs k, that means a lot. I feel like I'm dealing with my "relapse" really well sometimes.. I keep learning new things about myself, and how much I can actually rationalise my actions. Which is scary, and why I need you guys to give me the harsh reality check!!

Doing good at the moment though, I know that I have to be really strict with myself and have a 'no tolerence' policy. Hugs hugs :)

I won't give up lien, thanks so much for your kind words. As long as we keep trying we'll keep moving forward.

Actually, I like guiltier shame, because that was what I had to stand up to with the goal sheet on the clipboard. Like Mrs. K says, every stop is a success!
Day one, moment one, however, in the big picture, look at the awareness level, and the strength you display in keeping at it, hurrah!
Together, we will all succeed at this!

xxxx

Thanks mid :)

Day one off to a good start. Not allowing playing, though my hand has reached up to my head possibly 5 times already, maybe more. I've been up 3 hrs!

I can doooooo this! Ack just caught my hand up there again!

Ok shhh I'm off to stress quietly. Feeling down today. My sister has moved to another state on the weekend and I miss her. I also miss my two best friends who also live in different states. Also I'm sad I don't live with my boyfriend. Also I'm sad that I'm rather unmotivated to get work. Wah wah wah wah wah. And wah. Get a grip lady! Just one of those sad days.. I think the main one is my sister though. Weird. We spend much of our time disagreeing with each other... But yeah.

5:45pm and doing great on the pf front! :) Eeeeee come on come on!

Hmm. Was absentmindedly playing with my hair. Did same thing as yesterday, day before, day before that. Reached up, ran my fingers along a strand. But I didn't pull, or tug. I barely felt it come out. I'm not sure if it was attached or not. Ughhhhh, if it was a strong healthy hair it would not have come out, as I was just running my fingers along it. I honestly don't think it counts but I guess at this point I'm really aiming for purity, sooooo I think I'll start my count over tomorrow.

Phooey.

I just PURPOSELY pulled about 3-4 hairs while on the phone. I was looking for ones that would come out super easily, basically barely attached. They're my favourite at the moment.

I feel dirty. I'm not sure why I even did it. It's like, my desire to be pull free slipped for an hour.

But no more tonight, and day one again tomorrow.

I’m sorry to hear you sister moved further away.. Maybe that now that she lives further you’ll have a better relationship cause you’ll appreciate each other more. I hate those down days too!! I always listen to a few sad songs and then to some that have a more upbeat tempo to get it back together. I hope you’re feeling better :)

I also got those moments where I just don’t care whether I’m ppf or not. But Sam, you really got to get it together. I know you really want this, maybe you should write down reasons why you want to be pull free again, or surround yourself with post-its or I don’t know what used to work. Maybe wear a hat or cap to stop you from touching your hair. I know you can do this, you’ve done it before.

I hope this didn’t come across as mean or know it all.. didn’t mean to.

Thanks Lien, no it really didn't come across as mean, though I admit was a tad surprised! Thank you so much. You're totally right, I need something extra. I will write more reminders but I also think that I need some barriers while I'm watching tv or on my computer. The thing is.. I hate looking ridiculous. Gloves and hats are just so obvious, hot, and irritating. I was thinking I was going to start putting strong perfume on my hands again and wear loud bracelets. I might put up old pics of me (when my hair was bad) on my computer, next to pics of my hair as it is now.

It's just scary... Why sometimes do I just not care. I KNOW that I can't keep up this behaviour without eventually gaining some damage. I really DON'T want to be a casual, moderate puller. I want to be PULL FREE! Maybe it's time for that tattoo.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH (Battle cry).

Include the sword comb to help you beat the trich with your battle cry!
Add all the things and use what works, and keep on!
You can do this!
Hands down!
Hugs to you!

Wow, there have been some great posts here over the past couple of pages. Patient & persistent, Sam... yes!!!! I really had to smile at Lien's post. Tell it like it is, girl, it didn't come across as mean.

Sam, you know you can't be a casual, moderate puller. I was for a long time, for years even. I learned to stop short of bald spots, but the hair on top was getting thin and aged, and the pulling ALWAYS escalates at some point. I still don't know if I have accelerated the life-cycle of my hair.... will I/we be bald prematurely (ie long before our really elderly years)?

You CAN be pull-free. You are still the one I emulate as I move forward.

You know I'm a proponent of barriers, and gloves worked well for me at first, but they became a hassle. I still like bumpy drier balls, especially when reading - ball in one hand, book in the other. Lately, a baseball cap works best for me.. It doesn't look too goofy and isn't too hot. Plus, if I feel my hand wanting to float up there, I sit on it. Pretty comfortable, actually. I also cross my legs & stick my hand between them just above the knee.

Thanks mid! Ha I admit brushing my hair does help a lot when I'm getting urges to pull or play.

Thank you Phoebe, I'm rather dependent upon your opinions! I was actually thinking about the ball thing the other day, I think I need to get one for while I'm on the computer and watching tv. And maybe I can find some kind of hat.. Or maybe just a headscarf would do. Sitting on my hand works for me, but when I'm working on my computer I switch from one hand to two hands very often. I think I just need to remember how hard it actually was last time to maintain my pull free. I think in my head I saw it as easy, and therefore I sometimes think it should be easy this time.

Anyway, it's 4:30pm here, and I am pull free so far today. Tonight I'm going to the movies and then hanging out with some friends and having a few drinks after. There is some danger there, as when I have a few drinks, I become a lot more relaxed, and things (like being pull free) don't seem so important. But a reminder on my hand and on my phone should help a lot.

Reasons why I want to be pull free:
- I feel like I've accomplished something important, I feel successful and proud
- I feel more in control
- I hate finding stray hairs on my clothing
- My mascara lasts for sooooo long (When I have thin patches I used it on them)
- I can SWIM without a care in the world
- I can walk in the RAIN without a care in the world
- I can get my hair cut in WHATEVER STYLE I WANT!
- I can feel comfortable when my friends talk about hairstyles
- I get so many compliments on my hair
- I feel beautiful
- I can inspire others
- I can wear beanies and hats
- I don't have to style my hair in the morning
- I don't have to be paranoid that a bald patch is showing
- I could have beautiful hair at my wedding (if I have one LOLZ - I could end up a spinster)

Hm there's probably more.

I will come back tomorrow morning and declare that I am one day pull free.

I have no doubt that you will be onto your 2nd PF day when we hear from you!! I love your list, I was just thinking the other day how nice it is not to find hair on my shoulder or all over the floor/car. And the little things like being out in the rain and not worrying about it messing up your hair and making a bald patch show, OK I am still kind of there, but it is getting better!

Maybe you can try my barrier of choice, which I really need to use more now that my defenses seem to be down lately. I like it because it is free, yay, and because it is not too obvious & easy to conceal (I work in a store so I spend equal time alone and talking to various people). So, all you have to do is take a rubber band and put it around your hand (near the knuckles), then twist it once and wrap it around your thumb. May take a few tries to get the right size band, but it keeps you aware of your thumb movement but it is easy to slip down so no one notices. For what it's worth....

Have a great time tonight!