Emmy is right, pulling or not, awesome Sam is awesome. :-)

It seems we both relapsed after meeting a long term goal. I got out of my wig; you made it to Europe with your hair down. And for me was like, that great big motivator just wasn't there anymore. Is there something else that would be important to you? Like maybe being able to move in with your bf and start your next chapter together in control of this? Something more significant than just days or inches?

Good luck sweets.

Fri and sat not so good. Sunday pulled one, subconsciously. Monday (yesterday) was pull free, and I've been pull free so far today also :) bf is helping me.

Thanks mid, I do forgive myself. But at the same time I know I have other coping mechanisms to turn to. Thanks so much for your encouragement.

Thanks lien!! Your optimism is catching :)

Yep positivity is key Helen :) x

Phoebe ha yes it sucks. I'm a freaking mess the week before, seriously emotionally crippled and I cry at the drop of a hat. But "the change" doesn't sound so tops either! Yep, knowing that it gets easier as the pf goes on is one of my great motivators. I'm doing this.

I really want to go to Austin too Emmy. Sounds really cool. The hardest part of getting back on the wagon is really wanting to climb up on it. I mean, we all want to get to where the wagon will take us, but the wagon is so high off the ground sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to get up there. Thanks for your demand. In return I demand you to try your best, and take it in small steps.

Kaux!! Thank you :) hmmm wow I never even thought if that, I'm so bloody dozy! I achieved my goals (hair cut, hair in Europe, swimming with hair out) so what now? You're a wizard. I need a new goal. I think, I'd like to have hair for my next birthday (in April) and also for when I start a full time job (next year, earlier rather than later in the year PLEASE). But little goals of one day are essential. Xxxx thanks :)

Hehe, Kaux is a wizard. :)

And I agree that it's harder after reaching a goal. I think wanting hair is a better motivator than keeping hair. Probably the same reason so many people do yo-yo dieting (is that phrase used outside the US?). People lose weight, lots of it, and then they gain it all back, sometimes more. Rinse and repeat. It's because looking in the mirror and being fat is a good motivation to lose weight. Looking in the mirror and being skinny is not a good motivation to keep dieting and exercising to stay that way, since at that point you've already achieved your goal. I think it's the same way with hair.

Also, there's the fact that you're wearing it down now, which makes it more accessible for pulling.

I think a new goal is a great idea. One day is a relatively easy goal, but it's not that motivating because there's only so much change that can happen to your hair in a day. Having longer-term goals in the back of your mind helps too. :)

I totally agree with Emmy that wating hair is a WAYYYYYY better motivator than keeping it. It's so easy to fall into the mentality that, 'now that I am starting to feel better about the state of my hair, there is more wiggle room to play with it, push the envelope so to speak'. And in a real moment of apathy to pull - what does it matter since I have my full head of hair. But if you are anything like me, that is what causes us to trip up and before we know it pulling has taken control again. After dealing with this for 15 years, I am coming to the conclusion that the lifelong fight against TTM has to have both everything to do with having healthy hair (and all the confidence and feelings of self worth that come with it) and at the same time nothing to do with it. The reason the latter is true is because hair growth and eventually having the full head of hair is never enough in itself to keep us pull free. I think there is some element in our brain chemistry or perhaps more simply, a deeply ingrained habit (which apparently can change the physical structure of parts of our brains - which to me, suggests that habits can be very powerful) that will always cause us to want to pull and to associate that behaviour with pleasure...even though we all know it's devastation. So the fight has to be two-fold...having the beautiful head of hair AND learning to deal with an unhealthy way of soothing ourselves.

Of course I say all these things and I am totally struggling with the same thing you are! It seems like lots of us are. It is soooooooooooooooo much easier said than done! Like Emmy said about weight loss, the 'manifestation' of the problem (weight gain and eventually being fatter than you were before) can come back with a vengence (and often does) if the bigpicture lifestyle-type change isn't there.

Here is what I'm learning with these goal achievements. I have to have the long-term ones as well as the short-term ones, and it is so true, it's easier to see accomplishment from "wanting" to "having".
Weight has always been difficult for me, and as the doctor commented on my eyebrow improvement, she made a suggestion to help me have a positive maintenance for the right eyebrow when it is grown back in. I did not realize until reading this thread what she meant, however, it is so obvious now.
What did we do before we started pulling? I have yet to find the answer to this question, so now I ask myself what I want to do after pulling stops.
Here's to your continued success!
You can do this!

Yep, agree with what you're both saying. I'm definitely way less motivated because I have a head full of hair that people compliment me on.

Oh and yes Leah, habits are very powerful. The pathways are well worn in our brains now.

Ok well I accidentally pulled a hair late last night. Fight with bf. And I was drunk. It's going to take a little while to build up my super guard. To build up the automatic response NOT to pull.

But, upwards and onwards!

Day 1 :)

*onwards and upwards!

Oh mid I just noticed your comment. I think that what we dud before pulling was not have active trichitillomania! Hmmm. It's like a switch was flicked and suddenly one day we liked pulling out our hair. Hm anyway, thanks for your comment and continued support :)x

Yes, mid, I've been wondering that too...what did I do to feel calm and soothed before trich?

Sam, How have you and your bf been doing on this long trip together? Spending 6 weeks together nonstop with the occasional travel stress can be tricky.

We're going pretty good actually! We've been together every day (except for one weekend a few weeks ago) since august 17!! Every minute of every day. We've had a few little fights, and our patience with each other got very thin for a while, we'd snap over anything! But yeah, we're doing good. Having lots and lots of fun. Though we're ready to go home now, just one week til we fly home! We're still planning on moving in with each other next year. Unfortunately us moving into Sydney depends on us getting full time jobs, or at least me getting one and him getting regular casual teaching work.

Thanks kaux :)

What did we do before we pulled our hair? Why do we pull in the first place?

Hmmm...well, I'm 56 now and I started pulling in grade 6 after the science teacher taught a class about the anatomy of a strand of hair. I wanted to see for myself, so I yanked out a small clump. It hurt, but it triggered a life-long companion.
Before that, I sucked my lip (which I still do), bit my nails, went through a period of making little grunting noises (verrrry attractive), stoked my lips with the surface of my thumbnail, and those are just the little quirks I remember, and I was aware of it, because I worried about it, another life-long habit. All self-soothing / nervous habits. I must have needed sensory stimulation. To remind my self that I'm alive?

I suppose we could all go into deep analysis. I've had a couple of personal interactions lately that make me wonder if I am more needy than other people. I do know that I crave approval & validation for my work, and I don't always get the satisfaction that I need, but I thought I was taking it in stride. I don't always get the emotional satisfaction, either. My father had an incident recently that caused us concern. His reaction to me during this reminded me that he is not a very demonstrative or warm & fuzzy guy. Very arm's length. Also, an incident with a friend, for whom I was doing some work. Not the interaction I wanted, but again, I know she has intimacy issues.

I think a lot of us are perfectionists...

Something to chew on xo

oh, and before I went off on that riff, I wanted to say, yes, it is MUCH more difficult to stay motivated when you have hair, when you are not living in fear of the bald spot showing.

My motivation is... I'm afraid of the damage that I have caused, that it will return to bite me in the butt when I'm 70, and still care about my appearance (as opposed to 90, when there will be all kinds of warts & sagging going on) ... that all those years of pulling will catch up with me and the hair will be prematurely used up.

Also, I don't want to be that person. I don't want pulling to be part of me. I want to BREAK THAT LINK. xo

omg Phoebe, when I pulled a lot I used to rub the root over my upper lip -- what is it about that region??? Yes, I am at once a perfectionist and a total slacker. As in, at work everything is neat and clean, at home -- NO! Clean but not neat. I would freak out if work was like my home!

I'm just a little younger than you and I started thinking about what would happen if I died -- what would they do about my hair??? So morbid! Yes, break that link!!

Hm I kinda accidentally pulled a hair yesterday. It half just slipped out while playing and half got pulled out. I'll count it to keep my pf pure (particularly the first 2-3 months must be pure). I know if I keep at this I won't be making these slip ups soon.

I want to break the link too Phoebe. Personally I don't think it can be broken, but I'm going to make it sooo weak. Hmm I don't know what i did before pulling. Ohhh wow now it's coming back to me. U used to rub the smooth tops of my fingernails over my lips. Also I had an obsession with touching digs wet noses and I'd kind of make a noise with my mouth when I did that. I was obsessed with my hair too, dying it, styling it. Buy I think a lot of girls that age are.