CJAngel
Status: And down again.
Mood:
Horrible
Offline
- Of people having to take care of me. If I could just find a job...I could pay off my bills, buy food for myself, take care of myself. They have to be getting tired of me. How long before they want nothing else to do with me?
- I feel like my girlfriend is distancing herself from me. It could just be because break is coming up and we won't see each other for a few weeks. It could also be her moms constant nagging her to find a good guy and settle. I don't know what to...
- I opened up to my girlfriend. I wrote her a letter and told her about my fears. She read it and then came into my room and held me while I cried. It means so much that she's not pushing me. I opened a little bit towards my sister and our other...
- My older sister has two little girls. One is 2 years old, the other is almost a year. She doesn't have custody of either. She's unfit to raise them. My sister was diagnosed at 17 with Schizoeffective Disorder. My uncle, an truly amazing man, has...
- My girlfriend is upset. She's upset that I haven't talked to her much about what happened with me in boot camp and just after that. She's upset because I close off from everyone when I feel my depression kick in. I spoke to a friend about what...
- And then it all spirals out of control. I'm so tired of this back and forth garbage.
- I'm learning that I can't go back and fix things. And that I should stop beating myself up. After 8 months of troubled sleeping, this past week has been amazing. I've slept...really slept. I wake up in the morning rested and happy. I haven't thought...
- Spent the morning doing homework and cleaning. Then went and hung out with some friends later in the afternoon. Came home to my wonderful girlfriend cooking up a storm. I love it when she cooks. It takes her forever, but its always with the wait....
- For a couple of friends of mine. My best friend lost one of her dogs today. Poor old fella just passed when he was out for his morning business. I will miss that dog. I believe it was a combination of his old age and him being over weight. He will...
- But things are getting better. For the first time in almost 8 months, I got out of bed completely awake. I went downstairs and made a pot of coffee, not out of necessity, but out of habit. I've had a smile on my face all day. A real smile. I haven't...
- I'm only making their lives miserable. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have come back. I give up.
- If I wasn't so broke, I would probably be drunk right now. I'd much rather be drunk than hurt this bad. Instead, I'm going to go home and lock myself in my room and just hope my mood isn't interrupting my roommates. This would be so much easier if I...
- Why does it feel like I've ruined everything? She won't even look at me anymore. I think it's time I left. At least then, she'd be happier.
- I had a fight with my little sister Wednesday night. Over something stupid. And I tried to apologize, but she slammed her door in my face. I laid in my bed, listening to her cry. I wished I hadn't handed my knife over to Bria. So I could end the...
- What a big freaking shock that they aren't. What I wouldn't give to have that knife right now. Don't want me around? Fine. Hiding in my room isn't below me. And if anyone so much as comes in here and asks if I'm okay, I swear, I will not be a very...