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brittanycubs

Status: Well I'm just a useless piece of shit

Mood: Ok

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I'm reaching my breaking point...

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I have been trying so hard not to cut but I'm done. I borrow my dad's car to go to therapy every Tuesday and he always calls to tell me to be careful with the car. That would be fine if I was 17 and just got my license but I'm 22 and I've had my...
Trouble at Home

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So as far as my past goes my mom was extremely abusive which haunt me everyday. Recently my counselor pointed out that what I am feeling whenever I stay at my house is rage and anger towards everything tht went down in this house. I want to get out...
Manic

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So it seems even on my meds im experiencing a smaller degree of mania. I have a boyfriend of almost 7 years. I broke up with him when I was a freshman in college and I told him it was because we were fighting so much which was part of it... the...
Voices, mania and sex troubles

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So my lithium has definitely helped with the severe depression and mania roller coaster ride i was on for years but sometimes I still feel a smaller degree of mania. Every in a while I am so hyper I can't sleep even though my meds can sometimes put...
Please Help me

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So today is christmas. It is also my birthday. Most people would say it is a blessing but I think it is a curse. Beofre my birthday I spent 10 wonderful days in Puerto Rico visiting friends and really enjoying myself. I haven't seen that kind of...
My emotions have been on lock down.

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So I have been to the hospital many times and my best friend and boyfriend supported me every step of the way and they still do. I used to have such a close relationship with my boyfriend's mom but she looks at me differently. She treats me like I...
Alcohol...my friend....my enemy

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Alcohol has been there for me through some rough times. It also caused some rough times. I am not an alcoholic but I'm definitely on my way. As I write this I have a vodka pomegranate in hand and its 1:30pm. If only my friend Oxycontin was here. The...
Poem I wrote

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Eyes so cold with a heart of iceSo damaged and torn, I'm paying the price.For the years of pain and more to comeIt's hard to feel alive when I feel so numb.A tortured soul with no will to liveA souless mother with no love to give.Blood runs down my...
I am a prisoner to my addiction

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I feel like a prisoner to cutting. Once I start I can't stop at one cut. Sometimes it takes hundreds of cuts before I stop. I've been to the psych unit a couple times, I go to my psychologist and take my medication but its not enough to stop me....
This is turning into a serious problem

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So for the past week I've really been struggling with life in general. I can't bring myself to go to class I can barely get out of bed and to help I've been taking Oxycontin with rockstar. I am not sure what effect this is going to have on me but it...
Rough Weekend

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So this past friday, I cut a little too deep. I completely lost my mind. I couldn't stop kicking and screaming even when my roommate tried to restrain me. I broke away and locked myself in my room. By the time my roommate broke the door down I had...
Running out of options

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So cutting is getting worse. It's not enough, I need more. It's not that I hate everything in life and want to die, I just feel like I have suffered enough and just want some peace. Over 6 different medications and counseling every week and nothing...

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